Dialogue 3 Segment 3

Dialogue 3 Segment 3

At 08:35 AM 11/22/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Good Morning,

Had hoped to respond to you yesterday, but too much time in the hot tub and too much blab w/friends. Last night slept w/a dog in the bed for the first time in a while. We at a really neat house right on Lake Travis, and will have 22 poeple here by tomorrow.

M: Probably not too far from Hippy Hollow, the naked place, though I've never been there.

C: 'A' will be cooking most of today, he makes the world's best pies.

M: <smile> He can be "crusty" after all!

C: Enough about that, onto more important stuff. It's just interesting to be overloaded w/all this first attention interaction, food, drink, friends, etc. It makes me realize how quiet it has been in our little camper in Rockport, w/just the 2 of us where we can concentrate on other things if we want.

M: If you are within the group and close your eyes even for a few seconds, you will have perceptions. Better to do this in the sun.

C: Your response really excited me.

M: Provocative homework, perhaps. It is better that do just dump it out. This way one can actually have a sense of self-discovery.

C: I know there is no body in the 3rd attention, so what was I trying to hold together? I was thinking holding the vehicle to my body, but actually it was just trying to hold together my essence, my being. This is probably what dj meant by the point of assemblage, may not have the exact wording.

M: Congratulations: The imperative is that you actually do have to hold yourself together in order to remain coherent as a being. Consider the significance of having insufficient energy, not being able to let go of anger, distractions (dependencies), and you will move closer to knowing more. Now, contemplate what the vehicle is. Contemplate the motion and velocity of the vehicle. Contemplate what constitutes the vehicle.

Everybody is up here now, and wandering around the kitchen. Thought I would have more time, but no. Should have gotten up earlier. Will try more later.

M: <smile>
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At 04:41 PM 11/22/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Just wanted to wish y'all a Happy Turkey Day! from both of us. Did you know they do fried turkey here, in little ole Texas? A whole turkey in 4 gallons of peanut oil. The oil cost more than the turkey.

M: In more ways than one. Remember that my father's family is from Texas and I spent WWII years there.

C: It's cold & drizzly today, and more rain for tomorrow, so I'm afraid that outdoor naked wouldn't be a very good idea right now. Just got back from a shopping trip w/3 other women, something I would never have done before. It was fun to just go along for the ride and listen to the music.

M: Yes. Certainly.

C: I'll work on your comments more later, maybe over the next few days. Is the vehicle something different? I was thinking I had used a vehicle because I wasn't experienced enough to move w/out it. In actuality, it is all under the control of my will, isn't it? I need nothing to move just will and intent.

M: <smile>

C: Are luminous beings on the 3rd level different from luminous beings on the 2nd level? Do beings travel on the 2nd level?

M: To the first question: yes and no. The higher-achieved in the 3rd attention do not often travel into the second, Christ for example. They tend to use emissaries, though they sometimes travel. Others travel throughout the continuum. To the second question, some of the lesser evolved (the "2's" on the scale of 1 to 5) can get trapped in a sort of stasis without much navigational ability. The ones perceived as "ghosts" qualify as 1's or 2's.

C: I lost your meaning concerning the phrase 'it is better that do just dump it out.' Keyboard error, but I'm not sure of your exact meaning.

M: Yes, typo. Attempting to say that provoking your thought and exploration to self-discover is far better than myself just blatting/dumping it all out.

C: My friends say they used to go swimming at Hippy Hollow a lot, but it has become mostly gay males only. It was just a place to swim before, w/or w/out clothes. Too bad.

M: Yes. Perhaps we can meet sometime in Palm Springs.

C: I always like it when 'A' cooks, aside from the results, he gets very mellow and calm. The cooking seems to put him in a relaxed, confident place. He really likes it, and it seems to shut off the internal dialogue for him. We have talked about it a number of times. Good things result.

M: It is wondered what he would experience if he sculpted in modelling clay.

C: Much love and enjoy,

M: Returned, dear ‘C’, returned.

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At 10:57 PM 11/23/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

Sitting here in the camper after stuffing myself all day w/tasty goodies, having spent the last hour in the hot tub in the rain, thought it would be a good time to write to you.

M: Sounds great - except for the stuffing part.....as the legacies of stuffing <smile.

C: Today was interesting, trying to sense others or get perceptions off them. At one time I had to walk down by the lake, just to get away from the intensity and all the swirling emotions in the house.

M: Understood. Anticipated.

C: All the cooks were getting frantic as time to serve approached, and everybody was underfoot. From the lake, looking back at the house, I felt one could almost see forces pulsing out of the house, it was filled to overbursting.

M: Eventually you "will actually see" those energy forces: they are (ahem, cough) "interesting". Perception is the precursor to seeing.

C: Later I was sitting outside on the steps, watching them fry the turkey (which was excellent, BTW) and (snip), the woman of the couple we're visiting here, came up and asked me if it was too intense for me. I like (snip) very much, she is calming and comfortable to be next to. She feels very strong, confident, not too concerned about others opinions, funny and serene. Not saintly by any means, as down and dirty as anybody, a great Texan smart ass.

M: Having a great deal of "Texas" experience, having spent WW-II in my grandfather's ranch (still owing some ranching lands North of San Antonio) there are two thoughts that come to mind. Austin and North Dallas motto: If ya got it, flaunt it! Austin Hill Country Motto: If bullshit were white, Austin would be the ski capitol of the world! <-:).

C: A few times I tried closing my eyes and feeling around the room. One could definitely feel differences between people, or groups of people.

M: After a time, as another alert, you will be able to see their energy "through" your closed eyelids.

C: Some folks feel very tight, like they are wound tight as a spring and about to explode. They aren't comfortable to be next to. Others feel happy, positive, easy to take.

M: Every once in a very rare while, you'll come into contact with one who is truly malevolent. Your reaction will be to run, screaming, away. (For every ability, there are commensurate responsibilities.)

C: I didn't get a chance to try to send thoughts to anyone. It would probably get lost in the shuffle.

M: Partially true. When you learn "intended focus", it can be directed like a narrow beam of light to one specifically. If it "gets through" will depend upon the attributes to "receive" of the other, and your own ability to clearly and intensely focus.

C: Question - how do I know how much of my sensing is from empathic abilities and how much is just common sense? Do non empathic people sense anything of others emotions?

M: To the latter, no. To the former, it doesn't matter because what will be learned is that perception is simply another component of gaining information, deeply and profoundly, and then those perceptions are factored in for other things, logic, decisions, etcetera. The learning position for you "now", though, is to focus/hone your perceptional abilities per se. After a time, it will be discerned that the accuracy of the perceptions is better than prior impulses and logic, then it will be more simple to apply logic to divise actions.

C: I have always been quick to pick up when others were upset, mad or stressed out. It's hard to tell if I'm sensing anything more.

M: It's easier with you eyes closed. The "mall" group experience would facilitate.

C: Lots of it just comes from reading body language.

M: In a group of strangers, the "mall experience" or an "airport gate" experience, one can learn to unfocus and do not view others, but feel first. Perceive first. When the perception has locked in, THEN look for confirmation and perhaps adjustment. From this sequence it will eventually be possible to discern what "face" individuals are putting on versus what is "real".

C: Couples sit apart and don't look at each other, or lean together on the couch and touch. Others, especially women, often comment on how they are amazed how long 'A' and I have been together, because we still talk to each other a lot. Most couples don't, it seems, after a little while together.

M: Understand. They are slowly in the eagle-food sequence.

C: This morning when all the others showed up, there was a lot of tension between several of the couples. The women all seemed tight and angry, the men were all very quiet and low key. Then we discovered most of them had partied last night, and the men were all hung over, and the women were all mad at them. Must have been one hell of a party. But this didn't take extreme telepathic abilities to figure out.

M: No, however it was "an experience". The perceptions that were gathered are not part of your memories of feeling, and these will later be useful in other comparative perceptions.

C: The inner family group had their Christmas also, and exchanged presents this AM before everybody showed up. 'A' & I sat across the room out of the way and watched. It was a good opportunity to study others. (snip) again busted us at one point, came by and asked what where we up to?

M: <smile> It's simple to identify "others" like you/us.

C: Why did you suggest I try to perceive the group in the sun? Is it because the sun gives organic beings energy? We have had plenty of rain and overcast, so not much chance of sun.

M: Yes. It will be discovered that presence in the sun itself alters the group emotions/experience. If one were to take a group as you have described, and magically immerse them in gloomy overcast for an hour so that they saturation would be consistent, then take precisely the same group and magically transport them into bright but comfortable sun, allowing immersion for a sufficient time yet again, you'd be amazed at the perceptional differences.

C: If one has no body in the 3rd attention, does one need at all times to concentrate on holding oneself together?

M: One has to be aware of self. The "thing" that you have to retain (hold) is YOU. After a while, it becomes as automatic as simply being in your body, though. When CC admonished "look for your hands", (and I'll not describe what will be seen) there is a point of a trick to that because it might be contemplated what "hands" will be seen, absent a body. Something WILL be seen, though.

C: Do you sleep, or relax, at any time?

M: Relaxation is constant. There is no longer any sleep: that is only an organic construct. Everything is energy, but not necessarily intensely active energy. Traveling itself is incredibly intense in terms of energy, but not conjoining and not being with others "of like" stature.

C: Or does your ability to concentrate have to always be maintained?

M: Yes, however it in general is because when one exists in the pure and free state of the luminous form, all one has AS BEING is consciousness.

C: If all this takes energy, then where does that energy come from?

M: Although this point is (I believe) noted in "the dialogues" it is a simple fact of hard-science that electromagnetic waves, once launched into space, continue into space (the universe, the cosmos) into infinity, forever. Sentience consciousness, operating in the construct of quantum electrodynamics with describes 11 states of simultaneous being, eleven dimensions, are sub-sets of electromagnetic energy. These do not need replenishment to continue. They need only coherence so that they don't scatter out in terms of density, but they continue. The question to ask is "what was the intensity/density of the energy when it was launched?", but one it IS launched, it by it's nature can continue - literally - forever.

That said, it is possible to interact with other energy of like form, even "surf" upon forms of energy as waves.

C: There is no eating or drinking, I assume, if one doesn't have an organic body. Then one probably doesn't need to 'rest' it. Correct?

M: Correct. Though on will, there are intense, and less intense, states of being.

C: How does one spend most of one's time, studying, traveling, learning (still), or just hanging out w/friends? Does one have 'friends'? Or beings one prefers to be with?

M: The "friends" are the consortium, and yes they take different roles depending on their abilities. When conjoined, though, the roles tend to unify for those who conjoin.

C: There are times I feel expanded, or 'huge' as 'A' would say, when I feel I'm spread very thin. That my edges are just blending into the outside, that I'm dissolving at the edges. That's when I can sneak up the closest to wildlife, they don't seem to notice me as quickly. Other times I feel closed in, compacted, dense, w/sharper edges. Could this be a result of where your aura is, or your luminous body?

M: Absolutely, and not only the "where" but the characteristics of that body.

C: 'A' has been playing at affecting me sexually from across the room.

M: Yes, understood. There have been experiences where (blushing) orgasms have been will across the room, without physical contact.

C: He is much better at this when he feels strong and complete. Then he can do it easily w/a look, or even just a thought at times.

M: Close your eyes when this starts.

C: When he feels weak, or leaky, in his words, he can't do it at all.

M: No, because his energy becomes contained within his body. It cannot project, it cannot survive, and if you can get the nuance from this (just short of hitting you with a 4x4) it CANNOT LAUNCH! in that state of being.

C: Sometimes in bed we can almost feel our bodies touching, even when they're not in the first attention. We may have a foot or more between us. He is doing something, I'm not sure what, but I can feel him 'turn it up' and not physically move a muscle. We have experimented w/him doing it, while I tell him which way he's going. Would this be visible to someone like yourself?

M: Yes. Visible, and available for intervention. It is simple to interact with it and even alter it, redirect it, divert it.

C: I'm guessing it's strands of his aura entwining w/mine in some way. I had the impression the other night it was pink, or a pale rosy red. Not a strong crimson or scarlet red, but very warm.

M: It has more striations that that, however that is a component.

C: It would be great to meet you in Palm Springs sometime. I'm looking forward to meeting you anywhere. Will try to do more in the morning.

M: We will meet. It is required for impeccability.

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At 10:27 PM 11/24/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

Should one be dreaming every night? What I call working dreams, training dreams, not just mindless, random electrical firing dreams?

M: Most humans do this every night. Usually, though, these are just twitches every night. Working dreams are more infrequent. In "the dialogue" there is discussion of ramps-progressions followed by periods of integration. The working dreams are the most intense during the transitions (beginning and end) and during ramps, and often in the initial phase of integration if there are some points that are not resolved. After that, they subside until the next transition into the next ramp. For myself, the "signal" of the beginning of a new ramp starts with intense working dreams and tests: preparation for the next sequence.

C: Last night I had several dreams, but I couldn't remember any of them. Each time I woke up, I felt something just disappearing and couldn't put a finger on it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not having training dreams, than I'm screwing off. Or maybe I'm just not remembering them, which is almost as bad, because then I don't learn anything, at least not anything I can use in the first attention.

M: It is possible that things were resolved on a low-level basis, sort of a clean up of debris prior to the next move. Open time: you are being prepared for the next ramp.

C: You had said in a much earlier e-mail 'there is far more to see in the first attention than is currently being seen.' Can you give me any more clarification on this point? Do you mean more energy flows?

M: More flows, more knowledge through perception, more awareness through knowledge.

C: In the 2nd attention, do many travel to the 3rd attention? You had said earlier that the 3's can travel in a limited manner.

M: They CAN do anything they want, but are not particularly motivated to. The attempt was to report what they do, not so much what they CAN do. Impeccability to use energy efficiently never stops. Ever.

C: I'm curious about the differences between the 2nd and the 3rd attentions. Perhaps this is a waste of energy at this time, to be concerned w/this. Upon the cessation of organic life, at death in this first attention, you traveled to the 3rd attention.

M: Yes. Both within and without clinical death.

C: Do most others?

M: Can only judge from reports. Most of the reports that I've seen in the 'NDE' descriptions, are "no". Most from the reports are deeply in the second attention. Here are the characteristics to note. In the second attention, there is a direct connection to the body. The Eastern Regions talk about "a silver cord" connecting the body to the soul, and that really means "a connection" in the broadest sense. If one leaves the body and floats above the room watching those operating trying to save the life of the body, then one is still somewhat connected and by definition, not too distant. These experiences are indicative of the second attention. Deeper into the second attention, there are reports in NDE of "going into the light", being bathed in a warm flow of light, meeting others of merit. In my experiences this remains as a second attention experience because the light is partially a cocoon of self. If I were to write such an NDE book the title would be "Beyond The Light".

Since you asked, a limited (but accurate) description of the sequence is provided. When "in the light" there is the incredibly warm feeling of embrace and love: comfort. Great. Level "3" on a scale of 1-5. What occurs is that "the cocoon" of light would be recognized as that: a cocoon of stasis. If one has sufficient ability, on will and intended focus, one moves into the light and propels self in the allegory of through one's body against a wall of a locked room - allegory, just to get a concept out because there is no physical impact and nothing uncomfortable. Now, with sufficient ability/energy, one moves deeper into the cocoon of light and rather than resistance, one learns that energy in the form of velocity seems to be added. Then, interestingly, the cocoon of light become elastic and it extends as a distortion into something like an asymmetrical oval and that continues into something like a launching tube, and one move out of the light - beyond the light - into the immensity of the third attention. What happens then, will be protected for now to protect your objectivity. To be provocative: it was said as a homework for you to consider what the vehicle is, add to that, what the velocity is, add to that what is perceived.

C: Or most others w/abilities?

M: Others, with abilities, yes.

C: Do we spend much of our dreaming time in the 2nd attention, learning how to handle and develop our abilities to deal with the 3rd attention.

M: Yes. Unquestionably.

C: Sorry to thrash over this, but I'm having a difficult time grasping the variations between the attentions. It all seems to blur together sometimes.

M: It does blur for a time. The three attentions are like spheres, the first attention being the innermost and most restrictive. So you exist in a sphere of yourself, and that sphere is enveloped in an inter-dimensional sphere of the second attention, and that sphere is enveloped by the third attention of infinity, like a galaxy in the cosmos.

C: It's all energy, energy flows, the control of the energy and the perceiving of the flows, is this correct? This is why you mention the sun often, to restore the energy required by organic beings.

M: Yes'mam.

C: I am most interested in blabbing w/you about this more, when you deem the time is right. In the first attention, we seem to overload our senses so often, everyone is vibrating w/tension. Too much noise, and energy scattered, splashed all over.

M: Yes indeed.

C: Good night for now. I've typed this at the table in the living room, while the others are watching tv, w/smart mouth comments flying around the room. 'A' has bailed out and has retreated to our bedroom. It has been tough to think about talking w/you, and balancing it w/talking to my friends here w/me. Kind of an interesting balancing act.

M: You ARE doing very well.

C: Texans are loud, funny and affectionate. It has been intriging to sense how the perceptions have changed as the collections of people here in the house have changed over the last few days. Yesterday we had all 22, this morning down to about 10, then some came, some left, and now we're back to our friends, (snip) and (snip) from Mexico, and the couple who own the house, Walt's sister and brother-in-law. It's much quieter and more relaxed and peaceful. These 4 know each other well, even though (snip) was very nervous earlier because (snip), (snip)'s sister, was coming back and (snip) wanted the house really neat.

M: Hummm. Self-esteem/image?

C: Don't think (snip) likes her sister-in-law a lot. (Snip) can be obnoxious and pushy, has a lot of money(earned by her husband) and throws it around.

M: Dependency upon self-importance.

C: I haven't been able to sense any perceptions like temperature variations, more some things feel good and some not. Do unaware people have luminous bodies, w/auras that extend?

M: Yes, often. Some, though, are stones.

C: Do we all have such things?

M: Some are "stones" that is to say, so contained within themselves that they perish of their own energy containment. Eagle snacks.

C: Can my luminous body 'feel' another's, and interact w/it?

M: Oh yes. Ultimately, that is "conjoining".

C: Good night for now, love to you Michael. I was going to say thanks, but I'm finally realizing that there is no need to say 'thanks'. Your impeccability requires that you patiently deal w/my questions and help me to fumble my own way to my own discoveries. Still and always, much appreciated.

M: Very good. You are really beginning to understand.

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At 10:30 PM 11/25/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

Why would the reaction to run screaming from someone malevolent be showing greater responsibilities? There was one woman who I couldn't stand, the wife of 'A''s friend C, from years ago. When she came into the room, I would leave. If she came to 'A''s apartment, I got up and left. She seemed evil to me, just drained all energy from C (who I didn't much like anyway, but he didn't deserve her). I told 'A' I would never be in her presence again, she was 'no good'. But why would having greater abilities, leading to greater responsibilities, lead to running screaming from such a person?

M: Apart from the metaphor, it is just because there's nothing to learn other than to be transparent to them. There's no level of interaction that can be utilized to work with them or alter their processes. These individuals have intense energy for bursts of time, and they do self-extinguish eventually.

C: Speaking of your Texas experience, how long where you at your grandfather's ranch?

M: We moved from San Diego to Texas because about three weeks after my birth, Pearl Harbor was bombed (my father had never seen me) and he went to war. (I met him in Texas after the war.) My mother, having no infrastructure in the USA, with her family in the war and San Diego being a military target, moved she and me to Texas, so we sat out the war there from late 1941 or very early 1942, to about 1946 when my father was seen. He could have stayed on the ranch, but the dignity of his rank made him incompatible with Texas ranch life, so we moved to California then even though he himself had never lived in California.

C: You still own some of those lands? Do you run cattle on them, or does someone else live there?

M: To the first, yes, but it's only a few acres now. I sold most of my inheritance a few years ago because I couldn't manage it remotely and I had much "stolen" literally over the years. I wanted to keep it as a heritage, but it just wasn't realistic. I traveled there and quietly walked the land to learn if it was beckoning me, but it was not.

C: Spent quite a bit of time this afternoon on the lake, running around in the ski boat. It was a spectacular day, clear, sunny, trees changing & showing lots of color, reflecting in the blue water, sailboats on the lake. The first sun we've seen since we've been here. Saw lots of giant gaudy houses, making me think of your 'if ya got it, flaunt it!'. Boy, is that true. As my mom would have said, some people just have more dollars than sense.

M: Wha, yep.

C: To go back to my homework, which I know I have not finished. I have been putting it off while up here w/the group (lame excuse).

M: Nah. The distractions are, well, known.

C: You tell me to consider what the vehicle is. Mine was a tank, w/treads, clumsly, slow, awkward, heavy, like a tank would be I imagine. (I have never driven a tank, or even seen one in person.) I understand the velocity of movement is provided by my own will and intent. If that was more skilled and defined, my 'tank' could have been something smoother. In my dream my movement was very jerky. If I knew what I was doing, I imagine there wouldn't have to be any vehicle, the velocity would be provided by my will and intent. I have visions that the perceived velocity would lead to something really cool like in Star Trek, when they go into warp speed drive, where the stars all blue and become horizontal streaks, then disappear.

M: Very close. To be efficient, "the vehicle" is you. Your unprotected consciousness. You luminous form, wholly exposed. Now consider that in terms of "the human form" related to anger, dependencies, et al.

C: Then poof, one pops out somewhere else, clear across the universe if so desired, hopefully where one intended to go.

M: Bingo. Exactly. The "feelings" that go with it as a luminous being, are amazing.

C: My dream was like kindergarten, just starting to walk. Later, hopefully I'll run, if not fly.

When you talked about 'A''s being able to affect me sexually, and I said he can't do it when he feels weak, your comments about his energy being contained w/in his body were interesting. He felt they were right on. Why should he feel strong one day and weak the next?

M: The energy is not impeccably conserved or utilized efficiently. An imbalance occurs and that causes an oscillation.

C: Maybe you need to hit me w/a 4x4. When you say it cannot launch, what cannot launch? His energy?

M: Yup.

C: When he can launch it, is he launching it into the 2nd attention? Or is this something his luminous being is doing to me on the first attention? Is this a separate part of his entity? That he can control while being apart from it, if he is 'strong' enough? Control of course by will and intent. 'A' is going to try and pay more attention next time we play these games, and see what he can perceive.

M: It could get to 4x4 time...<-:).

C: We're not sure what he's doing, but we both of us enjoy it. I assume when you said there were experiences where orgasms were caused by will across a room (sounds fun), that the receiving person was a willing participant. Or maybe a willing recipient. If one wanted to prevent this, it would be fairly easy to erect a wall that would stop such transmissions, would it not?

M: Yes.

C: In some ways I feel like a blind person, being taught to read in braille. Maybe even blind and deaf, sort of Helen Keller-ish. You're trying to get me to perceive and use different senses than the ones I'm used to using. Often you don't even have words to describe what I should be able to do, or what I will be able to 'see' once I've opened.

M: You are coming very close in terms of thought. This will be converted into experience when it is appropriate.

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Note: The dream referred to in the following email was apparently in a separate exchange between 'C' and 'P' and is not included. The email appears to be directed primarily to 'P' with Michael cc'd.

At 09:43 PM 11/26/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear P, (and Michael,)

M: Greetings. Gee. Duality!

Hope you've had a great turkey weekend. We've had lots of fun here at Lake Travis.

M: We have to fly through the turkeys to get to the eagles....<g.

C: Your dream sounded quite intriguing, especially the part about me(naturally).

M: P does have way of getting to the most important matter....<g.

C: 'A' & I were talking about it this afternoon, and parts of it made me uncomfortable, even made me upset. I'm trying to figure out why. 'A''s theory is if something makes you uncomfortable, that alone is reason to go deeper into it and try to explore more, to uncover the source of uncomfortableness.

M: 'A' could not be more correct. Those impulses always afford the opportunity to learn.

C: So here goes...

M: Oh no! Not learning again! Whoa! <couldn't resist>

C: The part about my wearing makeup and looking like a teenager (too bad you can't market the younger age part) is at the basis of my uncomfortableness. I am feeling very new, and loved your image of my glowingness.

M: It's not the image that probably bothers you but the implied significance of the makeup - something of an illusion pasted over something in reality. "Makeup" to C implies "phony" illusion.

C: I am gradually opening to Michael, and to increased perceptions both in the first attention, and I believe more awareness on the 2nd attention, becoming more aware of my abilities and trying to 'see'.

M: With a point that you are discovering, most are transparent anyway, so openness is just being efficient.

C: Part of my own defenses have been sexual, to engender rejection by most males, to think of myself as unattractive. I have always denied my femaleness, refused to be a 'typical' female, viewed that as weak, too concerned w/having a male, dependant, clinging, etc. I would never wear feminine attire, or makeup, or be comfortable in a beauty shop, or spend much time in feminine pursuits like doing my hair, 'girl talk', having a crush on boys, it goes on and on. Somehow as a feminine female, I have always felt weak and by being ornamental it appeared to encourage the weakness. Therefore by causing others to view me as unattractive, I was not viewed as weak. Much of this was based on societal influences and expectations, which I have fought all my life. Perhaps I was throwing out the baby with the bathwater? I should be able to be attractive and feminine w/out being weak or simply ornamental. That is my own hangup, my own set of limitations. All of this is in a twisted way my defense to getting hurt.

M: <smile> Ah, the dramas that humans apply to themselves is fascinating.

C: Trying to eliminate these defenses and protections has been difficult. Michael jumped me about these, and of course was the first to point them out. How could I, the serene one, have defenses? That's 'A''s problem, not mine. HA. For some reason, I seem to be able to take all sorts of input from Michael, and it seems to be accurate, penetrating, and having quite an impact.

M: <smile>

C: As Michael has pointed out, 'what defenses does one need in truth? What protections are valid?' I in theory agree w/him, and have been attempting to eliminate them. His chant, as he calls it, of 'by being wholly vulnerable one becomes invulnerable' he describes as a 'taunt to cause individuals to contemplate what vulnerability really is: the vulnerability to self.'

It feels as if I'm gradually dropping some of these defenses. Perhaps this is what your dream shows, through the symbol of makeup.

M: <smile> There seems to be an echo in here....

C: By becoming more comfortable w/my femininity, I'm not sending such a message of rejection, or causing others to reject myself. Don't worry, I'm not about to start wearing makeup. Or short pink hair, though that might be kind of fun.

C: 'A' was kidding me about the two of you , P and 'A', enjoying watching me change and grow, releasing and experiencing my femininity.

M: <smile It's interesting watching P and 'A' watch you! It's interesting watching you watch P and 'A' watch you! (I'm being bratty, sorry.)

C: Why does this bother me? It upset me, felt like you were ganging up on me, perhaps w/Michael, 3 against 1.

M: <oh, heavens How on earth did I get included in that?> Oh dear. Oh well.

C: I feel like I'm being laughed at, patronized by superior males, stuffed back into a helpless role as an ornamental female, not good for much else.

M: I can fix one part: just say "goodbye, stop" to me. Yes, I'm being provocative, though it is that simple.

C: I understand these feelings are coming from inside myself, that they are figments of my own imagination. I do feel all 3 of you are being affectionate and supportive of my growth, and are dealing w/me from love, so why am I reacting this way, like bolting for the hills and saying, 'fuck off, all of you'.

M: Perhaps you need to do precisely that. Perhaps it is very necessary for you to learn more about yourself. Perhaps the intensity of defenses demands that learning experience.

C: Perhaps this is the reaction of my defenses, sort of a death rattle (hopefully). Maybe just more of Michael's turbulence.

M: Investigate where the turbulence is derived from.

C: Impeccability requires(correct me if I am wrong, Michael) that I am not impacted or have any concern about what any person thinks of me, either male or female.

M: Confirmed. We all have only one real choice: "being" for ourselves; or, "being" for others. Most humans tend to get into a distortion loop which circulates back and forth as an oscillation (an oscillation is a circle opened and progressive in linear time flow) between being for self, running into dependencies, being dependent upon others, being frustrated by others, retreating back into ourselves for a time, being lonely, being dependent upon others, opening a facade to others, being back for others ---- and the beat goes on until ultimate dissipation results, and, poof! Eagle Snacks.

Simple.

C: What only matters is my opinion of myself, and my judging of myself. Michael calls it 'doing one's best', being able to look one's self in the mirror.

M: Within that construct, always evaluate how energy is being gained or lost. If energy is wasted through conflict, it cannot be impeccable. If you are experiencing the conflict because of your image of "the 3 of us", it is suggested that energy is being wasted. The fix for that waste is to isolate yourself and learn what happens to your energy, or alternatively, locate the cause of the waste, evaluate through investigation the processes of "the 3 of us", learn that this process within you extends to far more than "the 3 of us", then made adjustments as found appropriate within yourself.

BTW, in case you haven't clearly received "the message" the love that I truly feel for you is indeed unconditional, and there is nothing you can do to alter that. The freedom that comes from loosing the human form facilitates within that freedom the ability of that unconditionality.

C: Michael also talked about using my capabilities to 'influence - on my will - the images and attitudes of others toward myself. To this point this process has been inadvertent and reactive and when proactive, inadvertently reflexively defensive/protective.'

M: Have you noticed the reactions of others in this sequence? When you feel defensive, have you noticed that others feel defensive around you?

C: Obviously, my defenses aren't as eliminated as I had hoped. If the thought of my wearing makeup, and especially being fondly watched by the 3 of you as an ornamental female(in my opinion), bothered me to the extent it did, my defenses still have a better hold on myself than I thought they did.

M: Yes. This does serve to expose how ingrained these processes are and precisely how invasive the parasites of the human form are, feeding off our sentient energies.

C: This has been most interesting, and hopefully a learning experience. It shows how deeply, and sneakily, one's own protections are imbedded. And how they can fight to prevent being eliminated.

M: <smile> echo...echo...embrace...

C: Thank you, P, for providing me a platform/springboard for thought and self analysis. Your dream, and 'A''s interpretation of it, triggered many feelings in myself. I shouldn't be so sensitive.

M: Please consider that "should" can be a dangerous word because it implies the parental societal controls of youth. Perhaps it could be alternately said "that you do not want to be so sensitive". It is very important in the interest of our exchanges and the relationship that is implied, but not assumed, through those exchanges that "you are what you are" at any given moment, and, "you feel what you feel" at any given moment, and by extension, "it all just is", with only the responsibility of yourself to yourself.

C: I think I am slowly becoming more comfortable and open w/my femininity, which I feel your dream was showing. This is a type of growth, painful as it is.

M: It is interesting that there is another in exchange with myself that echoes essentially the same processes, and she is well positioned in management at a major research laboratory.

C: 'A' had a good analogy tonight, about how we're in school taking several classes; 1 in perception, 1 in dreaming, 1 in defenses (the dropping of them). These things all are tied together, as I'm beginning to realize. I'm very appreciative of having you two as fellow classmates. Lots more classes to come, I'm sure.

What a kick, being able to learn through each other's dreams.

Love to you both,

M: When you can truly say that, when you can be yourself unconditionally in love of yourself unconditionally, then your expression of love will mean far more - to yourself. How others may feel about that will have absolutely no significance.

----------

At 11:39 AM 11/27/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

Interesting response. Shows how one is even more wrapped up in one's own concerns. I liked your interpretation much better than mine. Guess I reacted to my hot buttons too quickly. Still it was a very worthwhile exercise.

M: Unquestionably.

C: I had skipped over the whole interaction w/the other female, and 'A' moving out. Just got as far as the makeup part and bailed. Short attention span. 'A' & I have talked quite a bit about getting separate quarters, but w/us moving around a lot it doesn't make sense at this point. Maybe next fall/winter.

M: Ah, sigh.

C: We have mirrors w/in mirrors, w/my interpretation of your view of me in your dream, etc. We do each have valuable input to each other at this stage, in whatever attention level. All valuable learning.

Looking forward to seeing you at Christmas.

Love,

C
M: Peace

----------

At 10:57 PM 11/27/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

M: Hello and embrace to C.

C: Several topics to address w/you, so I'll break them up.

M: Yes, there was quite a fallout for you.

C: This afternoon, after reading your responses to my e-mails w/P, I went for a long walk in the sun up into the hills by the lake, alone. Found a sunny spot, away from the road, and laid face down on the rocks w/my palms facing down, into the earth. Tried to imagine, to feel, the energy flowing from my palms into the earth, tried to feel the balance in my body. I laid like this for quite a while, long enough to make rock impressions in my knees, feet and thighs, I was in shorts for the first time in more than a week.

M:<smile> Wonderful approach.

C: All of a sudden I felt like my chest was splitting open, along the center, from throat to groin, like I was shedding my skin, as a dragonfly nymph would, and my true luminous being was coming out. I was facing the earth, so my human form felt like it was peeling back, up and away from the earth. Sort of like a dried shriveled husk, and the evolved or metamorphosed(?) being was coming out into the earth. I would have expected my back to split, and the being to come out of the top, like larvae do, not out the bottom.

M: You would have really soared if you had turned over to face the sun. There was a metamorphosis in process: it still is.

C: There was a golden glow from the luminous being that was visible as it was emerging. I felt very weak, could hardly stand up afterwards. Sat on a rock for a while to slow my breathing, did some yoga breathing exercises to calm things down. Just before the splitting began, I had looked up to the sky while still lying on my front, and everything seemed to dance in front ofmy eyes, especially on the ground and around the edges. It seemed to shimmer, again more if I partially closed my eyes.

M: Oh, yes. Congratulations. You are beginning to "see" the energy that adds fuel to "us". "You hold in your (metaphorical) hands, access to the power of the universe....", paraphrasing myself. When these statements have been issued before, not many would understand that it is not an analogy: it is very real. When some loose discuss "channeling", they don't even understand what it is or might be that "could be" channeled. Now you are beginning to understand.

C: Walking back to the house I was very slow, just wandered. Several times closed my eyes and stood in the sun, feeling my body suck it up. It felt like my joints were expanded, my body was very loose and floppy.

M: Ah, my normal afternoon in Palm Springs.

C: Came back and went to bed. We went into Austin for dinner tonight, great chinese food, and just got back. If you have ever seen a butterfly just after it has come out of its cocoon, all wet and shrunken, it sits on a branch for awhile while its wings pump up, expand and get stiff. That's what I felt like.

M: Very appropriate because it is correct. From the advancement you have achieved in a relatively short time, "the knowledge" is beginning to flow. With just a bit more extension of yourself what you are beginning to experience will become "the normal", and yes, there is more.

C: You had talked in an earlier e-mail about 'the vehicle' being me, wholly exposed as my luminous form. Then your line about 'consider that in terms of 'the human form' related to anger and dependencies'. That rocked me back, for some reason. I felt as if I understood the term 'human form dependencies' for the first time. That the anger, dependencies, et al, will have to disappear w/the human body, that as a luminous being these are gone. I had not really grasped that point before.

M: It only matters that you do now. The tendency to regress into the human form for protection is the largest threat to you at this crossing.

C: When I felt today that my human form was splitting open to allow the luminous being to emerge, then all my human form dependencies were also being left behind, with the shriveled body, no longer of use to anyone.

M: Yes.

C: My sexual concerns, my fretting over my femininity, my defenses, all stayed w/the discarded split open human form. I was coming out as the butterfly, to fly away and leave all the heavy baggage behind. It was a heady feeling, to put it mildly.

M: .....this will change your life forever, and you will never.... These experiences are beginning to "touch" you in ways that place a real import to those words.

C: I then sat in the field and looked at some dried seed heads of grasses next to me. They had just existed to reproduce the grass, and had performed their function. It felt like that was what human bodies were for, just to reproduce to provide more bodies for larvae to grow and learn in, then when the larvae hatch as luminous bodies and evolve on, the bodies return to the earth.

M: Yes. Exactly. It is thought that you might be now ready for another piece.

C: In the life stages of butterflies, and many insects, most of them fail to live long enough to reproduce. The vast majority are eaten as eggs, caterpillars, or pupae, long before making it to the adult stage, where again most are snacked up by birds.(very funny) Same w/fish, probably the percentage of salmon who make it back up the creek to spawn is less than 1%. The parallel seemed erie. If we exist as human forms to reproduce another luminous being, then the low odds of surviving to succeed in that goal make sense. Only the strongest and fittest survive, the most impeccable.

M: Yes. Now you understand.

C: A WOW point for me. It took my breath away. It all seemed to make perfect sense. Sorry, I'm babbling, but in the vernacular, it blew me away.

M: <smile The refrain has been heard from candidates before, and it's usually expressed as "wow". If you can retain this, we will soon be able to converge.

C: Whew.

Embrace, C

M: Consider that this is still only beginning, and by now activated by these experiences, it is possible that you are not able to project what can occur.

Love, unconditionally,

----------

At 11:46 PM 11/27/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

Some of the points you made in response to P's and my e-mails are accurate, surprise, surprise. Your comment about makeup equalling a cover up, a phony, to me were right on. I have never seen the point of makeup. What a waste of time, money, and energy. Had roommates in college who spent more than an hour/day on such crap. Sometimes on each eye! Guess they had to practice.

M: Known. Yes.

C: On my comments about the '3 of you', your question about how did you get included in that? was also accurate. The last thing I want to do at this stage is say 'goodbye, stop' to you. It was inaccurate and unfair to include you in that group. You are certainly not 'ganging up on me'.

M: No one was, and my approach was only to be provocative. If you feel you need control, you do have it. My extension, commit, to you...ah, ......

C: You are also correct on the subtle distinctions of the word 'should'. I do wish I was not so sensitive, rather than I should not be so sensitive. My reaction annoyed me, I would have preferred not to do it. I seem particularly sensitive to 'A''s comments, interpretations or reactions. Wish I was not. This is something I will work on. It is hard for me to care about him, and not care about how he cares about me.

M: The patterns of your relationship have had a long time to become "just blind reflexes". Certainly there is conscientious thought in your exchanges, however if you inspect your emotions there will be discovered much "reflex" by blind impulse. This represents a formidable petty tyrant for both of you in terms of the human form.

C: I don't want to hurt him, if at all possible. Another therapist several years ago told us we did the 'after you/ no, after you/ no, I insist, after you, Alphonse' routine too well. It would be better if we each worried about ourselves first, then the other. Like putting the oxygen mask on oneself first in a plane, then putting it on the child next to you.

M: Yes.

C: By opening to both you and P in this e-mail, it was another step in my gradual openingness. You both, as a pair, were a safe step to experiment with.

M: Yes. Known.

C: You have been easier to open to, but adding P was more difficult At some stage I will be able to open to many at once. I look forward to it.

M: Loosing the human form is, after all, a sequential process.

C: Talking w/'A' today, I said I felt more relaxed, and was realizing how much energy it takes to maintain the defenses. As is said, it takes a lot more effort to lie, because one has to remember to whom one has said which lie. So it's much easier to always tell the truth.

M: Yes. After some experience, there is no alternative to impeccability.

C: Also, your comments about my love to you both. I do feel tremendous love in your direction. My expression of love to P is not as unconditional, I will admit. But I have always felt great affection and closeness to him. When I sent him my first e-mail about you, I signed it w/love. His response was that my sign off surprised, shocked and delighted him. He and I are both working on it, practicing with each other.

M: Appropriate. Prototypes are to test experiences and information.

C: Question - you do not feel unconditional love to all others, do you?

M: No, though I am capable of that state, and expanding that, easily capable. It has never seemed particularly efficient in terms of concept, so my approach is to direct it specifically. However that said, when the statement is made, and just to assert something provocatively to you while wholly in truth - ready? - I love you C, it is unconditional, there is nothing that you can ever do or say to alter that (or it would be conditional) and - ready for more? - to be unconditional, it must be infinite, eternal.

C: But isn't that was agape is, unconditional love of all human kind? Do you feel such love to those who are eagle snacks?

M: Openly, I only feel toward others two states: unconditional love, or nothing at all.

C: I would be interested in knowing more about your other who is showing the same processes as myself, the one who works in management in a major research laboratory. I worked for many years in factories, becoming a plant manager responsible for the whole ball of wax, managing hundreds of rough, tough guys.

M: Yes. That would parallel the other individual (woman). The piece that you both share is the blurred tangle involving things "female" as if somehow it was something that had to be overcome rather than an organic state that "just is" like being tall or short, heavy or thin, et al. Fascinating.

C: This forced me to develop a quick mouth and a thick skin, someone whom no one could embarrass sexually in any way whatsoever. And they tried. But I was smart and quick and successful.

M: Add to that....."defensive"...

C: I think many successful women have done the same, especially those who have to manage many men. I know, no whining, but it could be constructive to compare notes with another w/some of the same experiences.

M: Although I've infrequently engaged with "the other" for years, she is just now becoming intensely involved, so it "could be" premature, however I'll ask her.

C: Question - why did you say 'ah, sigh', after my talking about perhaps getting separate quarters from 'A', but not until next fall/winter? Did you mean 'sigh' because it was not going to be until then, as in it would be beneficial to do it sooner? Or 'sigh' at the thought of us getting separate quarters at all, as in a sigh of regret?

M: Consider how much energy you and 'A' spend defending and protecting yourselves from the other, and perhaps you'll get a hint of the "sigh". Ask yourselves what benefit from the 100,000 foot elevation view this effort would cause. Investigate within yourselves where your petty tyrants really reside, and what would be impeccable as actions to deal with them. Inquire within yourselves and to each other where and in what actions and decisions, ultimate evolution will be facilitated. In executing these reviews, maintain one parameter: the evolution is yours as individuals, and yours alone. In executing these reviews, contemplate where resources are available to both of you to facilitate your individual evolutions. Perhaps, just perhaps, you will both understand "the sigh".

C: Or just being your coy self?

M: Moi?

C: The disadvantage of the written word, w/out the subtle physical expressions.

M: <smile>

C: Last question - if you only lived in Texas until 1946, you were awfully young to have learned much about the place. You talked as if you had lived here as an adult, that's why I was curious.

M: Ah, well, yes however my aunts did visit on occasion, my reflexes for the twang have always been there, I visited "home" in East Tex with my parents, and since the late 1970's I've spent, literally, many man-months there with my clients.

C: Good night, and much love,

M: Embrace and love, and given what has been said above, perhaps that is now understood.

Michael

----------

At 09:40 PM 11/28/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

When you said there was quite a fallout for me, did you sense some of the opening and the changes I had gone through on Monday? It is most fascinating how your greeting seems to vary in intensity depending on the depth and intensity of my e-mails to you. How does he do it? I can understand changing your sign off, but you do it in the greeting.

M: <smile> There are "just perceptions" and they feel and flow as if you had talked to me. The default setting here for my e/mail response window allows only about a 2 inch aperture. This shows the paragraph that I'm responding to, usually only the last part (now, for example there are four lines of your text above starting with "the opening" and I key type into the bottom line. In this way there is good objectivity that my responses are linear with the flow of your test, as if we were talking. (At this point, the top line I can see is the M: above, for example.)

C: More personal questions, if that's ok w/you. Concerning RM, is she an evolved being on the same 'path of knowledge' as yourself? I assume she is not at the same level as yourself, due to your answer to an earlier question.

M: RM does not have the intensity or focus upon "this process", although she has met with some of the others to whom I'm engaged, with myself. RM confronts her blocks and emotional growth through challenges of fear that surface when she competes with horses, and over time, various concepts have surfaced.

C: If she is 'on the path', do you two discuss growth and personal change and elimination of human form dependencies with each other, learn from each other, challenge each other?

M: We do learn from each other, particularly in terms of dependencies and reflexes, and we can be petty tyrants to each other. Having said that, though, these roles do not occur very often any longer because our relationship has blended (without withdrawals or negatives) so we have a rather large "safe middle

C: If she is not, is that a problem for you to deal w/her? Are there blind reflexes in the actions between you?

M: In many ways, the philosophy of Ayn Rand's approaches for example, we are exactly aligned, so the metaphysical components of the 2nd and 3rd attentions are probably the only real constraints in concept for her though we do discuss these. As time has gone on, a broader openness has surfaced between us in terms of discussions. Re the blind reflexes, the response above might suffice. Those that were frequent 22 years ago rarely surface any more (because they are not there) and when they do it's a calibration check for myself.

C: You have been involved w/each other about the same amount of time as 'A' and I, and may well have gone through as many changes and redefinitions of the relationship as we have. Your paragraph concerning 'the sigh' was most interesting. 'A' feels it is in our benefit to remain together closely, talking, debating, challenging each other. This will lead to faster growth and evolution than if we were apart.

M: Concur.

C: I'm not so sure. I would not want to be completely apart, (he is too good a cook, not to mention a great sleep companion) ((I know, these are human form dependencies)) and I love him deeply. (Perhaps another human form dependency.) It is great to have a fellow seeker to help w/the stumbling blocks, and encourage one when you get stuck. I do not know if I can say I love him unconditionally. There are things he does that irritate me intensely. I have just realized, in the last day or so, that his drinking is my petty tyrant. It bothers me much more than it bothers him.

M: Ah, and a dependency for him, and I understand. In the last years of the prior marriage I hit the bottle significantly, and that carried over into the overlap period, but now it's not an issue. It is recognized that the bottle is a hiding place.

C: And much of the way it bothers me is how others see it, how they judge him, and how it reflects on me. Not very impeccable.

M: Although the bottle can represent many problems and these can be reviewed separately, the comment in response from myself would be based in your motivations and dependency of images, though RM would probably agree from her viewpoint.

C: Your paragraph is triggering much discussion of other possible petty tyrants we have for each other.

M: <smile> Intended.

C: We are dropping our barriers w/each other, and spend much less energy protecting ourselves from each other than just a month or two ago.

M: My tendency was been to be defensive against RM, and that was a pattern long setup in the prior marriage. A bit into the "live together" phase of the relationship (about 19 or 20 years ago) I was being reflexively and stupidly emotional about something from a defensive posture and RM loudly said "Michael, I am not the enemy!", and THAT got my attention and still has it today. Those few words became important references for me.

C: We are able to communicate about things that we have never talked about before. I think we both have the same ideal, the same goal, and it does not include being dependent on anybody, let alone each other.

M: That matches our experience rather well, I believe. In the case of our relationship, since we have committed to being monogamous with each other, we have specific companionship and sexual connections that could be seen as "dependent", but it's a delicate line to relate that as "dependent" versus "an agreed exclusivity". When RM was a Vice-President of a corporation, she used to travel internationally and domestically, usually for about 2 weeks at a time and about 5 trips a year, while I was on travel about 200 days a year. This didn't impact our security base of the relationship.

C: I am curious about what you meant when you said 'there is more than that to 'the 'A'' part than you have described. The impulse reflex has been described, not the reality of what will occur.' This was in response to P's response to my e-mail concerning his dream. (Hope you can keep all that straight, it sounds pretty confusing) P was talking about the part of his dream where 'A' moved out while the 'new' C and female companion moved in. While the described may not be the reality, what do you see as the reality being? Or is this another area you prefer to let us discover for ourselves?

M: For now at the least, it would be better for you to broaden your concept, however as a hint, "the new C" is an evolved "C" and "the 'A'" would be compelled.......to..... (might be close to a 2x2 for you).

C: You asked, in an earlier e-mail, if I had noticed the reactions of others to myself, that they would change as I changed. Tonight I had a good example of that. When we got back to Rockport, I had a message to call (snip), a birding buddy of mine from Houston. We met on a bird trip to Uzbekistan several years ago, and I liked him immensely. He seemed to return the affection, teased me somewhat physically, but would not attempt anything more serious sexually. He seemed very put off by stories of 'A'.

M: Male image dependencies, threat from other males ('A'). Warning flag.

C: In October we both went to a butterfly festival in the Rio Grand Valley, and he had told me he had just broken up w/his girlfriend of the last year or two. I admit, I was running fantasies of maybe 'getting to know him better', and would have enjoyed being his lover. But he made himself scarce, and always had an excuse why he could not go to dinner, etc. I was upset, felt rejected, same old cycle.

M: Understood.

C: This was just before I went to Morocco. In fact, I wrote an e-mail to you just when I returned from the Valley, railing about what's wrong w/defenses, one needs protections, etc. Your response whomped me, w/your usual subtle fashion, saying 'the descriptions that you have offered are indicative of high dependency: on protections; on fear; on containment; on prevention.' Your answers caused much thought, leading to many questions and changes, so perhaps I own much thanks to (snip).

M: <smile>

C: Anyway, tonight when we talked, he was calling to find out if (female snip), a birding friend of mine from LA whom I introduced to (male snip) a while ago when she was in Houston, is jewish. He is attracted to her, and I know she is to him, and wants to call her and see if he can fly out to LA for the holidays so they can go bird together. I encouraged him to call her, even though she is not jewish, I think. (Male snip) and I had a long very open conversation, about why he would want a jewish woman, what he wants in a potential mate, why his relationships have fallen apart in the past. I knew he was jewish, but had no idea it was that important to him. He doesn't plan to have kids, he's too old, and he is not religious at all, in my opinion. But it matters to him. I realized, during this conversation, that we could never have had this sort of talk a month ago. I have thought in the past that he rejected me as a lover because I was unattractive, my same old hang up. But now I was finding out he is much more conventional and wants a monogamous, religious, serious partner, that he liked me very much but I obviously didn't meet his criteria, but it had nothing to do w/my 'attractiveness'.

M: <triple smile>

C: 'A' heard much of this conversation, and afterwards I asked him if he thought I had handled it impeccably, seeing as I would have liked to have had (snip) as my lover, but was willing to encourage him to contact (snip), because she may be able to give him what he wants, even though she is not jewish, and it may be good for both of them. 'A' thought I had done a fine job. I gave (snip) (snip)'s home number and address, which he did not have, and wished him good luck. This is probably more than you care to know, but it was amazing to me.

M: Please become accustomed to this. It will be a part of your awareness for a very long time, ah, specifically, ..... forever.

C: It seemed as if the changes that have taken place w/in myself were reflected back by (snip), and took our relationship into a whole new level, more open, more honest, more caring. And less sexual, less frustrating. This is a good thing. It was fascinating to see results from the changes.

M: <smile>

C: Your comment after my 'wow' point thrilled me.

Sleep well, Michael, love,

M: Thank you. I had a wonderful sleep. BTW, as I was finishing this, I asked RM to review my responses above regarding her/myself, and she concurred.

----------

At 01:42 PM 11/29/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

I have just sent a long e-mail to P, in response to one from him where he was wondering about your motives. I had called you provocative, and that you seemed to do very little w/out a purpose. P responded that being provocative could be an abuse of power, which prompted my response.

M: The human form always attempts to find "a motive" so that it has an excuse to disengage the warrior from the quest.

C: My question to you is more a matter of clarification. I am assuming you do not have any objections to my sending any of the e-mails from between you and me to P, in order to show him something or to answer questions he may have.

M: Your assumption is correct. It is only in protection for YOUR privacy that it isn't on a web site for the planet to view.

C: I just clipped the part where you answered my query about if it was my duty to care for my sister. You went on about looking in the mirror at one's organic death, and then on into the part of if I had the powers to work as a facilitator w/others, and had the knowledge of what would happen if I chose not to engage w/them. That you did not work w/us from an altruistic position, and to maintain your own impeccability, you must spend time and energy to help us on the road to self discovery and answer our questions.

M: True.

C: To sum up, let me know if you prefer me not to pass on bits of e-mail from you, if that is to be considered private. In the same vein, 'A' has expressed concern that you, Michael, may not be telling me things you might if he, 'A', were not reading my e-mail. Due to the fact that 'A' may not be as open to ideas or concepts as I may be.

M: Sigh. If I withheld from you on that basis, I would violate my own impeccability.

C: This could result in my not being told some things that would help me. I told 'A' that I believe you can handle the problem of getting across any information to me you want me to have, while knowing 'A' is also reading my e-mails from yourself. Do you think it would be a good idea for 'A' to not read my e-mails from you?

M: It not my concern. Never has been. Those exchanges re you and 'A' are between you and 'A'.

C: The 3 of us, P, 'A' and myself, have been trading bits and pieces back and forth, and in my opinion it has been very helpful. But seeing as these concerns have been expressed, I thought it would be a good idea to ask you directly.

M: Done.

C: I am very glad 'A' has finally mentioned What's Her Name to you. The thought of her as an ally is liberating, to me and I think to 'A'. He will hopefully talk to you much more on this. I will in future e-mails, but enough for now.

M: WHN is well known. Her role is to provoke using the guise of womanhood. She usually images herself as blond, though that is tweaked to the preference for the candidate. Her favorite, actually preferred, role is to feign affection, then test the commits of the candidate. If the tests based upon understanding are failed, then there will be another guise of approach. In more advanced tests, she will bring up more horsepower with another woman, usually a dark brunette. When a candidate graduates through these tests, she will emerge in her true image of luminosity, and others that might have been invoked in the processes of the tests will also be identified. She often images in a yellow dress during the initial tests, with small flowerpatterns.

There is more, as you might suspect. That is sufficient for now.

Peace

Michael
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At 03:42 PM 11/29/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

In my opinion, WHN has been much more to 'A' than the ally you describe. You are talking about the blond woman you call Carol, correct? How do you know these two beings are the same?

M: No response for now. 'A' will inquire of her, and he can ask her or you may if you wish.

C: I met WHN many years ago, as 'A' mentioned, in my dreams when 'A' & I first started spending time together, on our first camping trip to Anza Borrego Desert. (Have you ever been there, east of San Diego? It's marvelous desert.)

M: Yes. One night in the full moon, in the Anza Borrego, about 1:00 am, sitting on an out cropping over a pool caused by waterfall that stems from a hidden cliff and from an underground river, I was overcome with her. My emotions flooded with the unconditionality of love. When I reported this to others, no one could understand the waking, full moon, vision I had in the mists of the waterfall. I was 14 years aged. Hopefully, you are beginning to understand how this all ties together.

C: 'A' was trying to remove a battery from something, a car or motorcycle, and was having trouble w/it. I believe I came up to try it, and so did WHN. The 2 of us were able to easily lift the battery out from wherever it was. She had long curly black hair, was strong and capable, and someone that I liked very much. She and I were comfortable w/each other, and laughed at 'A''s annoyances and silly pointless male attitudes. When I told this dream to 'A' the next morning, he stared at me like he was pole axed. When I asked him what was wrong, he had to tell me about this woman who was his alter ego.

M: There are many images. The brunette form can conjoin with the blond form.

C: We have spoken of her many times over the years. A while ago it became obvious to me that she held all the 'good' attributes that 'A' wished he had, and he held all the 'bad' ones. It seemed as if 'A' had split himself into 2 beings, the good and the bad, the good being female, the bad male. We would frequently argue over this, me saying this was dumb and limiting. He was actually both, good and bad. One therapist tried to intergrate the 2 of them.

'A' has usually communicated w/her by writing in his journal in long hand. The hand writing changes noticably when she replies. She has been his friend, his confidant, someone he could talk to (even yell at) when all else failed, a true ally in the traditional sense of the word. As in a war time ally, someone you could count on to watch your back. To my knowledge, she has never tested him, and especially not sexually. This is partially why some of what you're saying doesn't ring true.

M: He will be.

C: I do believe she is an ally; this makes more sense than 'A''s interpretation. But is it possible that they could be separate allies? Carol and another? How many allies are there?

M: In my experiences there has been direct connection with several, but in combination they could fill a convention hall.

C: Are there only certain allies associated w/the consortium? Maybe there are other allies associated w/others.

M: There is a merge. It's larger than one might suspect. Figures of biblical report are included.

C: Of course, the being can obviously choose to appear in whatever guise s/he wants. 'A' has always admired her deeply, but not felt towards her like a tester. Could she have been helping him all this time, and now things may change? She may start to test him more.

M: It happens this way. The signal will probably be the blond, working with the brunette.

C: Even talking about this causes great leakiness in 'A', it is very intense. I felt I had to talk to you about this, WHN from my point of view, so to speak. She has seemed to always have 'A''s best interests at heart, and I don't think an tester would give that impression.

M: They do, though. They do.

C: At times she and I seemed equally concerned about him, and wanted to help him through a rough patch. She was able to difuse some of his angst,and give him perspective. It is hard to imagine her provoking using the guise of womanhood. This was never the basis of the interaction.

M: Please do not be so certain.

C: This is obviously very important to 'A', and to me by extension. Just opening up to you about this is extremely difficult, therefor critical, for 'A'. By considering her as an ally, it changes much. Viewing her as an ally gives her much more power.

M: 'A', and you, are ultimately in control. She, they, myself, are resources. We mirror your needs.

C: 'A' will talk to you more about her. All I wanted to do was to give you my take on her, and her interaction w/'A'.

M: Thank you.

Love

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M: Echo...echo....echo...

At 04:23 PM 11/29/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

NOTE: Text of 'C''s email appears to have been lost.

M: For now at the least, it would be better for you to broaden your concept, however as a hint, "the new C" is an evolved "C" and "the 'A'" would be compelled.......to..... (might be close to a 2x2 for you).

Correct with the observation that much alignment is required in order for "the new C" to match in alignment with "the evolving 'A'". There are significant imbalances that would occur if you both didn't track each other. Since it isn't even vaguely reasonable that C could be enticed to "regress" at this point, the focus becomes aligning by advancing 'A'. My "bratty" side might suggest that someone might try to get C to devolve, but I don't think I'd want to be close by. The explosion.....ooofff!

Michael

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At 04:40 PM 11/29/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

Your hint, 'the new C' is an evolved 'C, so 'the 'A'' must be an evolved ''A'', correct?

Pretty cool, so where's the rest of it? I finished the foreword and was looking for chapter 1. 'A' did the same.

M: Ah, "in development". I'm currently working on what is probably Chapter 3 or 4, and that will separately be displayed on the web site to inform viewers what it's all about, philosophically.

C: Believe it or not, we talked about just this stuff today. I was going to write you and ask if you thought there was life on other planets. And you send this. Amazing.

M: Ah, dear, she's not used to "this" yet.

C: This is even more exciting, and more global, or make that universal, that I had thought.

I look forward to more.

Thanks for sending it, and much love,

M: You're welcome. It was time to release that to you. BTW, only about ten or twelve others have seen it. Most, including X, have not. If you read it on another day,do not be surprised when some piece of it jumps out to you that is different than what you've noted to date.

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At 09:41 AM 11/30/2000 -0600, you wrote:

C: Dear Michael,

M: Hello, dear C, hello

So many things to say, it's hard to remember them all. 'A' already told you some of our dreams last night. We have gotten in the habit of comparing dreams first thing when we wake up, sometimes in the middle of the night if we're both awake. This morning we had each had a dream that at first blush we thought meant nothing. Only when we compared them did the light go on. Guess it's a good thing we sleep together, huh?

M: <soft and profound smile>

C: In my dream it was my first day on a new job, and one of my tasks wasto deliver the mail. I was in a classroom/work space w/a bunch of desks in random order, not neatly lined up. Very little was on the desks that would identify them as to their owners, so it was difficult to know where to put the mail. Even the names onthe mail were difficult to remember, mostly eastern european or other culture names, not Tom, Dick and Harry. One of the desks was mine, I wasn't just the mail clerk. But I was low man on the totem pole, the new recruit, so to speak, so I had mail room duty.

M: Not as low as you might think. This will soon become more obvious.

C: I managed to get the mail correctly distributed, though some of it was by running into some of the other folks and asking them if this piece belonged to them. One of the guys, it was mostly guys w/one other woman, had 3 boxes from Palawan, an island in the Philippines where I have been birding. I knew it was from the Philippinesso figured the recipient would look Plipino, so nailed him by his appearance. It was like a puzzle, where each one I correctly identified made it easier to get the others.

M: It is always fascinating to learn that "we had the pieces and the understanding of them but somehow in history, we forgot how to assemble them into the large base of true knowledge".

C: I felt the excitement of the first day on a new job, some apprehension but confident I could do this. Give me six months, and I'll know this place inside out.

M: Indeed you will. The immensity of what is before you, will indeed....

C: I have always been a quick study, able to see patterns and ways to improve an organization, make it run more efficiently and effectively w/less effort. I was really looking forward to getting in to this new group, getting to know a whole new group of people, figure out who are the hard workers, who are the bull shitters, who are the back stabbers, who tell you the straight poop.

M: <smile>

C: 'A''s dream was cool, where he was mowing the lawn and having to watch out for his bare feet, then figuring out the lawn mower and using it to cut his hair. He first said, this has no significance, until I compared our two dreams, how we were both starting a new job, him out in the yard and me in the office. He had said this was a new yard for him to mow, he had never done it before. I put it a little more crudely, as he related to you.

M: <smile more>

C: I like the image of both of us starting new jobs. I had told him last night that I felt like I was starting a whole new job, w/a ton of stuff to learn. As long as I'm learning, I'm happy. What you have opened up to me is unlimited learning, on a infinite plain.

M: <smile more and more>

C: You mentioned putting your chapters of the book on a web site. Are you planning to do this? That would be great, and in my opinion more efficient that traditional publishing. It would also allow you to keep your cover, in some ways, and not be such a public figure.

M: At this point it is intended that the whole effort will be offered on <snip> eventually. I just wrote to 'A' an explanation about what goes on in my internal processes. If you feel it appropriate, please both of you respond, separately.

C: When I asked you if it was ok to send your e-mails to P, you said they were private only for my sake, or they would be on the web. I have no problem w/any of our conversations being on the web, maybe with slight name changes or elimination of place names, like X has done. Feel free to use any of our interactions in whatever way you think best. I have implicit trust in your ability not to abuse this.

M: Thank you for your trust, though there is no intention to do that. If you wish, you and 'A' could discuss with X the idea of placing your dialogue and thoughts on HIS site. Although he has (probably) 400 more pages that could be posted, he works on compiling the exchanges when it suits him.

C: Yesterday when you talked to 'A', you told him it would be easy to catapult me. Is this something you can do while you're in CA & I'm in TX, or does it work better if we're in close proximity to each other? This is what you did in the dialogues, w/the daughter of the two seers, where she all of a sudden could see the gold and blue glows of her parents, correct? Pretty exciting stuff!

M: Yes. It was rare to catapult another like that. (They are in Austin.) In that situation, though, the parents could deal with the resonations that were bound to follow. Step function changes like that could be rather disorienting and although we could engage remotely, it would not be responsible right now.

C: What are the possibilities of 'A' & I being able to conjoin at this stage? We often lie and sleep wrapped up spooned around each other, it brings both of us great comfort. It is usually not sexual, though it can change and become that way quickly by either's choice. But we spend more time just touching, snuggling, than we ever do having sex.

M: Understand. Wholly.

C: I could have sex w/others and enjoy it, but only w/'A' could I imagine lying like this. We often free form blab in this position and can cover a world of topics, lying early in the morning in the dark, using only the sense of touch and sound to experience each other. This sometimes feels very intense. I have said before that this can be healing if one of us doesn't feel good, the stronger one can transfer energy to the weaker one. I assume conjoining would be similar but taken to a different level.

M: Yes. If conjoining has, just to rattle a concept, "three phases" or levels, what you have accomplished to this point with 'A', naked and touching in bed is probably approximated at the deeper striation of "level/phase" one.

C: Enough for now, got to run errands. I want to talk more about P, he sent us both e-mail late last night that need extensive response, debating what 'provocation' means. He seems very confused and somewhat argumentative, if not hostile in some arenas. It will be interesting if we can communicate what we want to him.

M: Ah, the extension of the father surfaces in....

Love for now, C

M: Just "for now?" Sigh. (TEASING!)

Love

Michael

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