Dialogue 2 Segment 2

Dialogue 2 Segment 2

At 12:00 PM 10/2/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

The suggestion to be objective is a huge relief. Had not ever considered my 'wretched' existance as a 'thriller' (acutally you said a 'highly fascinating and interesting "book"')...cool (as they say in CA). This might even turn into a fun project... Hello.

At 12:34 PM 10/4/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

This is not fun. What the damned hell is truth? One is that all my 'study' of things spritual has been aimed at avoiding dealing with the ingrained reflexes. (When I'm cornered I can spout Zen and dJ.) Even this note of complaint is being written to avoid an analysis of what you have sent because it bares 'the problem'. I am further hoist on the petard of obsession.

M: It is not too uncommon for one to use "study" that gains information as a distraction to avoid self-knowledge and it's real implementation. It is as if "study" provides a solace that "something is being done" however if the process does not move beyond simple study, then it's a self-imposed obfuscation.

A: However. At least twice so far today I was impeccable. Not a record, but certainly a beginning. And re reference points in key relationships, I have attempted to 'program' self to obtain an aloof, objective state in regard my son ('learn to observe him without emotionally engaging'), and importantly, the same programming in regard a long time 'friend' who I suspect I have used, in a way, to confirm my 'inadequacies'.

In re-reading exchanges, I encountered following re meeting with Chas:

"We sort of acted like spies having a clandestine meeting, continually looking around expecting to get caught."

M: There is vague memory about "the spies" analogy, a long time ago.

A: I felt that when I wrote it, I had the sense of being in the French underground or something, meeting in a basement cafe...(too many movies)...but the sense was there. I want to say I have no idea what that means, but that's a lie - just can't (won't?) get the words for it.

The re-read provided much more information...perhaps I was more open to it...I'm rather amazed that I thought I had read and understood it. I had read the words, but ignored the content. Thank you, again.

M: You're welcome.

A: Last item - small dream fragment, a voice rather from off stage said quietly, "You are beginning to see." I must admit I rather enjoyed that comment.

M: The comment is true: you are.

Peace

Michael

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M: Hello.

At 08:44 AM 10/5/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

This one is stuck in my craw. I was not going to relate it because it seemed obviously another test, however, you were in it, which may have been my own subconscious using the 'prototype' as you have put it.

M: Yes.

A: I named it 'The Golden Dream' - corny, but...and it was brief, occurring right at twilight, and right on the edge of consciousness.

M: Actually, "real" second attention experiences tend indeed to be golden since a form of golden/amber fog is often seen.

A: We were in a parade, you at the head, me and others following. We were all gilded and smooth, rather like Emmy statues, moving easily up the middle of an avenue.

M: Actually there is more significance in that than might be realized. The luminous cocoons of the higher-evolved tend to be that color.

A: It was a rather serene moment until I became aware of it and pulled out of the parade because I didn't know where it was going.

M: Fear. Fear of loosing control.

A: The parade stopped, I had the sense you all were looking at me, so I decided to lead it, because the thing of it was enjoyable and I hadn't wanted it to stop. So I took off in the lead, but only for a moment, because I realized I too didn't know where I was going.

M: Indeed.

A: It seems 'tests' always occur when I'm not ready, but that would seem to be the point.

M: Yes. The significance is easy to understand. For many with whom there are exchanges, the tendency would be to hold back. For you, though, the perception on this occasion (at least) is to be point-blank, so here goes.

One who is in exploration and discovery, often does NOT know where they are going or where the path will lead. The process of discovery is often simply led by perception. In order to facilitate that perception, and then causing this to become actionable as a process, it is necessary to possess sufficient self-esteem to "know" without reservation that one can deal with whatever is found. When Columbus set off, he had only perception to go on, and if no one had ever moved beyond their fears placed by the common-wisdom(the Earth is flat) of the time, the planet would never have been explored by humankind.

So, there is no question for me that you were tested. The point of the test was indeed in the second attention that was far more "golden" than you might imagine. If you had not been focusing on the revulsion that you were "being led" (which you were not) you might have looked around an simply stopped the parade to view your companions - who were allies. Their images would have changed and then you would have seen their true luminous forms. Your positioning of myself as an image as a "leader" of a parade is somewhat misplaced because those as myself cannot "lead" since "leading" is a dependency. Your positioning of yourself as "the leader" exposes a need to be "in control" but then it was exposed that knowledge was not sufficient to lead, not be in control of anything but yourself, and what was not highlighted is that "we" (to be successful in the quest) are incapable of leading for reasons of dependency formations.

There is no group parade. There is only individual process. "We" (those of our consortium) may conjoin, however there is no dependency and it's only mutual enhancement in those decisions.

Peace

M: Good! On both counts! Progress! It's always a fascinating process to learn when another makes a further step.

Oh yes, something is appropriate to add.... "welcome, to the beginning of being identified with the consortium". When you communicate with them, really communicate, they may feel inclined to expand your information about myself.

Peace

Michael

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At 03:59 PM 10/7/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

After receiving your response, I felt I might be able to 'view my companions' from a meditative state, rather than wait for another encounter via dreaming. I did so. They became fibrous, as others have reported, and when I looked at them, they bowed.

Words are failing.

Thank you.

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M: Hello. Inserts.

At 11:46 AM 10/9/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: At 04:06 PM 10/7/00 -0700, you wrote: >Good! On both counts! >Progress! It's always a fascinating process to learn when >another makes a further step. > >Oh yes, something is appropriate to add.... "welcome, to the >beginning of being identified with the consortium". When you >communicate with them, really communicate, they may feel inclined >to expand your information about myself. > >

My reaction to this was astonishment, followed by depression, followed by some truly significant recapitulations this morning. Thank you for the welcome, and as Ben Stein says, 'I shall do my best.'

M: There is curiosity why "depression" was found necessary. The progress is fully illuminating, and that typically doesn't invoke depression.

A: and the 'Oh yes ' line and its content is similar to 'By the way, the world is coming to an end in 5 minutes.'

M: Another interesting interpretation. Though it might have "an impact" on this occasion, the "message" is that "News Flash: YOU are being expanded into new levels of awareness and THIS PROCESS offers to expand you FOREVER!".

Peace

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M: Greetings. Interspersed response.

At 01:40 PM 10/9/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: At 09:53 AM 10/9/00 -0700, you wrote: > > The progress is fully illuminating, and that typically doesn't invoke depression. >

It was an indulgence, an old habit, some 'I'm unworthy' crap. I still have a lot of junk to work through.

M: Yes. Understood, on both points. If one states "I am unworthy" it really means that one is "unworthy" to self, and that has profound implications.

A: I realize I should be elated at 'progress'. (My response was an attempt at a joke, trying to convey the hugeness of the impact your message had on me.)

M: Understood. Absent voice inflection, it's not too easy to recognize as humor per se. Since perceptions tend to hone into your conflicts, that has some precedence and those perceptions tend to over-ride any assumption of humor absent an obvious base for that.

A: I have spent the better part of my life hiding, blowing smoke for cover. I feel naked. It just takes a little getting used to, is all. It's coming very fast.

M: Understood. Observations of other who approach significant transitions is that they have some instabilities, turbulence, at the point that marks the threshold of the change. Then, a ramp of progression is formed and certainly you are upon that ramp. The ramp of progression holds an intensity, but then a plateau begins to form. The plateau is my expression to note that the experiences gained during the ramp phase are being integrated into being. This causes more turbulence as "the old" in pushed out and replaced by "the new". It is OKAY to "be naked". In fact, you always were. Thinking that you were not was an illusion.

Peace

Michael

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M: Hello.

At 08:19 AM 10/10/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

Another 'coincidence'. X sent me a copy of Dialogue VIII. The section on being an empath is hugely helpful. It becomes banal to hear 'That's me', but I doubt anyone not dealing with this could begin to understand how goddamned painful it can be, and when finally accepted, what a relief.

M: Understood. Fully.

A: The suggestion to Ed on how to learn to deal with meetings is great, the idea of getting alone to isolate one's self out of the noise, then hang onto it or recall it in the midst of the clutter - so many meetings. I finally refused to go to any, even though I was an owner of the company.

M: Understood again. It can be quite turbulent.

A: And reading Ed's comment re surfing the net for 'empath' - I did the same, encountered a long thread, the midst of which I found a truth - one guy said he dealt with it all by being an asshole. Same guy warned against LSD unless one was ready for some heavy truths. I didn't do much acid, but when I did it was a learning experience, and on the druggies scale, all were 'bad' trips - it was not 'recreational'.

M: For my processes, it is far better to work on oneself without the chemical support additives. The human brain chemistry changes with our own abilities, and it (simply said) requires "high self-resolve" in order to get these alterations into becoming systemic FOR self.

A: I feel absolutely fortunate that I have this opportunity for uninterrupted peace and quiet to 'get a grip'. And even TV comes through - Ellyn Burstyn on 'The Actors Studio' talked about Lee Strasberg (I'm assuming you know who both people are) teaching her, how he refused to accept the fraud she was pretending to be, told her it was OK to just be herself. She said she cried for two weeks.

M: "Know" the feeling very well.

A: And then a student in the audience asked her about 'divine dissatisfaction' - she likened it to creating a sculpture that is superb and gets great revues, but then is looked upon in a way to say I can make that better, not with an ego attachment that "I have created something great", but with a sense that one can do it better.

M: As you continue, you'll find this continuum, ah, "fascinating".

Peace

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M: Greetings.

At 08:12 AM 10/11/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

This is cool (as they say in So Cal).

M: Yea! Totally Rad! Far out dude! (Just thought that I'd show a lighter side.)

A: I have been consumed with recapping so decided to let dreaming, body scanning, etc. be until later. (Perhaps I was, uh, trying too hard?)

M: Quite probably. The "intense" energy exertion can become an obsession, and any obsession (even approaching that state) almost automatically forms a block.

A: 'C' returns from Mexico tomorrow, so pure solo time is at a premium at the moment.

M: Understood. When she returns, since there have been "tentative" alterations in your processes, the first tests will occur. Because there has not been sufficient experience to fully integrate your new awareness, there is a reasonable probability that there will be some alignment with 'C' required and if that becomes awkward, it could be regressive to you.

A: The 'cool' was a sentient dream. Early this AM (favorite time of the day, btw), sort of drifting in and out of sleep and dreams, recognized the transition and was fully aware that I was dreaming, almost a breathless sensation, but I knew if I got carried away with some elation or whatever that it would cease, so I managed to control that.

M: Great!, sincerely said. It is a wonderful state to be in two attentions simultaneously.

A: I watched as a series of bright blue trucks passed by.

M: There is a significance to the "bright blue". That is a manifestation of a state of travel in the early phases. The "image" of a form that was familiar, "trucks" was only to provide an imagery to you that you would understand and not be "shocked" about. The stream of energy is actually a flow (think of it like a jet stream, for now) that one can "surf" into the other attentions. As it becomes more dense, the blue is darker.

A: I wanted to get on top of the trailer of one of them and knew I could will myself to do that. I was a little concerned that I would run out of trucks, but there seemed to be an endless stream as I attempted to 'get atop' one of them. Then, I did it, but instead of getting on top, I not exactly flew, but did, over the truck, around the riders side and into the cab. I expected to find a driver but there was no one at the wheel! So I got into the driver's seat.

M: Yes. The traveler is also a navigator.

A: It was a brand new truck, metal floors shiny black - neat truck. I followed the truck in front of me, but it disappeared and I was slowing down, on a dirt road off the pavement, and it was getting weedier indicating it hadn’t been used in some time. I decided I was going the wrong way, turned it around (perfect backing up, of course) and retraced, found an intersection with three roads meeting, took the left most and continued on for a bit, then came awake.

Thinking about it, I think I should have stayed on the dirt road.

M: Yes. True. There would have been a meeting with a group on that road. The "test" here took some forms. First, if you could engage in the blue energy stream, then, if you could not find the need to directly control but rather be a passenger to a destination. While your will needed to control, and this was accomplished without a need to dominate (good), going into the unknown and in an unknown direction was facilitated but not yet trusted.

This WAS a fully-engaged second attention experience, and it could have moved deeper into the second attention. When this process becomes "natural" to you, there will be an opportunity to engage through the gateway of the third attention. THEN "things" really become intense!

A: Another. When we were on the road in Minnesota, I stopped at a sporting goods store in the middle of nowhere (huge store, specializing in archery stuff, having even an indoor range) and bought a superb knife, a Buck folding knife - finally a piece of steel that holds an edge - anyway - in the dream some guy was talking about my knife, admiring it. He handed me what I thought at first was my knife, but it was not - it was his. As I turned it over in my hands it began to enlarge and become more and more intricate, not just a folding knife but more like a Swiss Army knife with all the gadgets, only much larger. Various things folded out of it. As I continued looking at it, I heard the guy who had given it to me tell someone not to interfere, that he wanted to see how I was going to deal with it. The thing began to turn into like an old secretary, with various compartments. It had a clock in it that was making a weird noise...the guy asked me what time it was or whether the time was right, and I said the clock was off by about 25 minutes. (I begin to suspect I met someone of significance. I never did turn around to face him - I suspect that would have been interesting.)

M: The image of the knife was representative of "power" AND the various "attributes" that this brings to the seeker. The person was, of course, an ally of the consortium. Had you "engaged" with the knife as a power tool in the sense of a weapon, the test would have immediately failed and that failure would have "stunned" you. The significance of the "utilities" of the knife (representing personal power, not a weapon) displayed that "attributes" in combination form a true ability and that there are many "tools" (attributes) within those abilities. When the "army knife" migrated into other forms, it displayed in imagery form how one set of attributes setup flows to yet more attributes. Relative to the person to "gave" you "his knife", (a manner of representing that the "abilities" were not yours yet, but could be as you evolve), had you engaged with him and been able to embrace him with an unconditional vulnerability of yourself, more dramatic "learning" would occur.

By now, there has been formed a pattern. You have truly identified yourself through your trials and tribulations, as a "candidate", and you are being facilitated. 'C' returning will setup, almost automatically, major tests for you and much will be learned as you study the process. If this study can be accomplished in a feeling of peace and objectivity, a major phase of "learning" will immediately become invoked.

A: Thanks for being who you are.

M: <smile>

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M: Hello.

At 10:28 AM 10/13/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael - I did not expect revelations to be this intense. You did forewarn me.

M: Understood.

A: This is going to be a rather lengthy note. I'll try to make it concise.

M: Compared to the exchanges with others, you are very concise. A typical file received from you usually is not more than about 3kb (as this one). Others offer 10kb files, and one migrated to over 40k.

A: Things began with a dream this morning, actually two dreams, same characters, a couple of guys sort of resembling Simon and Garfunkel, but the shorter more like Gary Sinese with the rather sinister grin. They were after me. I avoided them in the first dream and awoke, but they returned. They were following me down a sidewalk - I was walking fast to get away, almost running, but they caught up to me anyway - I saw their shadows approaching from behind me. I had my knife in my left hip pocket and my wallet in my right. They got me between them, sort of pinned my arms, the Sinese guy in front of me smiling. I reached for the knife and he said, 'No, I don't care about that' - I reached for my wallet with the other hand and he said , 'I don't care about that either.' I made a move to cover up my crotch thinking he was going to knee me, and he said, 'Not that either', all the while grinning. He looked at me and made to put his hand down my pants and he said, 'I want to see your dick.'

M: Upon examination, there was initially the perception of a threat. In the second attention, one never needs to run. One never needs to confront. One may observe. One may inquire. Eventually when self understanding becomes sufficiently profound, it is recognized that defensive energy is in the second and third attention, a waste. The sexual-part observation was to indicate that your intense innermost vulnerabilities are exposed, and it is more profound than that. It is not even that "they" (or myself) needs to "see" those intimate parts. They are already known. The point of this experience was to call to your attention that the intense knowledge of others is already exposed. Humans move through so many protective dramas, squandering so much energy, to protect what is already exposed.

A: I yanked out of that dream and awoke. I'm tempted to close up again and not tell you the rest, but I must continue.

The dream revealed probably my most vulnerable thing I have spent most energy to try to cover up. Where do I start with this? Perhaps sort of at the end and work back. Sex is the issue, obviously.

M: Sex, but more to the point, the mechanisms of dependency that have resulted the focus of sex in compensatory ways.

A: To add to this, perhaps a genesis of last night was a dream 'C' had in Mexico. It is rather lengthy, but I want to relate it at some point. Re 'C', I re-read our initial exchanges and am of the opinion she is free to contact you directly. Please advise if it is otherwise.

M: The metaphorical door opened to her when it opened to you. She is already known as you were/are. It is important to note that my exchanges are private so through myself, the radial of connection between thee and me, she and me, are point-to-point without cross-connection. Whatever is discussed remains in those radials exclusively.

A: I can't seem to finish this or fully get into it and mundane chores require attention. Therefore, I'm going to ship this and try to get the rest down later.

M: Peace

M: Just a quick note to inform that I'll be away "on travel" from early tomorrow, 15 Oct, through 19 Oct. Next login: 20 Oct.

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M: Hello.

At 04:36 PM 10/13/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

It is enlightening to know that actions in the second attention level do not require the defense of running, nor the offense of confrontation. The trick would seem to be to be able to carry the attitudes there. What is of interest is that the rules are different. I have, obviously, been carrying 1st level expectations and behavior there.

M: As a general statement, perceptions in the broadest sense and as demonstrated in the second attention, carry back as actionable lessons into first attention life. The "tests" in the second attention tend to exhibit the folly and useless waste of energy that humanity applies to itself in the first attention.

A: The sexual element that arose was extremely painful. In looking directly at it and at its history, I feel strongly that a correlation was made right around age 12 (noted by you in an earlier email) between being joyously, innocently affectionate, and severe punishment. I'll leave it at that.

M: Actually, it's understood. Those adults that impacted youth in those fashions had no idea about the damage that they were executing. In contemplating those events of intensity, the threats, the over-reactions, it is useful to consider that they "did their best" (always) with the flawed personalities that they represented and with the attributes that they carried at that time. All parents, all adults that impact children, "did their best". Certainly as in all human endeavour, "the best" may exhibit many results. That notation, though, does not alter the fact that everyone did "their best" with the attributes that they possessed at the time.

A: Of relevance in this whole thing is an aforementioned dream 'C' had in Mexico. Transcription of her notes follows:

"A has changed to an 11 yr old boy with black rimmed glasses, to rediscover what bad things happened at that age to mess him up. We have hired a technician/magic person/therapist to help fix him. She/he is blond, short hair."

M: Good correlation. There are no coincidences.

A: "We were interviewing or being interviewed for this position. A stated this process as a current adult. We were camped, and the first part of the process was we had to sleep out in a tent - no problem, we had warm sleeping bags. The process was designed to breakdown conventions, but we were ahead of the game because he already did some of those things. We felt sunny and curious."

M: The camping outdoors may represent the vulnerability, and exposure, and the "sunny" feeling provided the hope for resolutions in the future. The curious element was related to the intrigue that accompanies new discovery.

A: "I was driving a car - turned into a motorcycle, which ran out of gas, and I had to push it home. Passed the therapist who also rode a bike."

M: Moving/driving, being in control with some comfort turned into a more risky venture represented by the motorcycle, more exhilaration, which "cratered" based on insufficient energy to continue (the gasoline).

A: "When I got home (a nice home) there were quite a few people - 6-8 or more all hanging out preparing dinner. Corky - looking old and wrinkled - was cooking ribs and clam hams ? - strings of meat - in a barbequeue downstairs in a courtyard - brick. I looked out the window down on him. Others were making salad, etc. Very warm, loving, supportive."

M: Returning from a vulnerable environment to a comfortable non-risky environment that is suggestive of being needy upon the support and dependency extended to others, as represented by "the casual gathering" as described.

A: "Then A came up and hugged me as a shorter 11 year old boy. He said the process had begun for him to be healed. He had been sent back to the age where the problems started. Some went back earlier, to 4 or 7, but his started around 11. He would relive it and learn. Very positive feelings all around. I woke up from him hugging me. Not at all sexual trying to explain and sort of hoping, asking for my understanding. I was glad."

M: In it's foundation, A's experience fortified by this report, tends to suggest with emphasis that "the boy A" was actually teaching "the adult A" so that resolutions could be employed. It is noted that in recapitulation into distracted, obfuscated (often by mind-noise or the partitioning of personality into drama based characters) to the point of being hidden imprints within youth, revisiting those events to cause actionable decisions that result in harmony/peace/understanding of self, tantamounts to "the child" of the person teaching the adult. Paradoxically, the "adult" often revisits the child in the illusion that the adult will teach the child something of import, however, often the child teaches the adult.

A: An extraordinary dream. She had seen none of my communications with you prior.

M: No coincidence.

A: When we drove back here from the airport yesterday, probably the first thing I shared with her was the acceptance of the empath thing. As things have unfolded, I have come to think that 'empath', while quite accurate, is a convenient label for the moment, that YOU have 'entry level' beings with which you are dealing, and terms like this are necessary for just the reasons they were necessary for me - understanding of what was going on and what was to be.

M: Yes.

A: I don't know if you know the enormity of the zit that has been squeezed. It has been the core issue for me for 50 years, and now, perhaps, it can be laid to rest and I can get on with this.

M: Known.

When significant blocks based upon unresolved imprints/events are removed, it may be anticipated that the block provided an allegory to a dam behind which is an enormous amount of energy that was contained. Releasing the block tends to facilitate gaining access to the energy and as the new state of being is learned as a higher energetic form, there are oscillations and turbulence plied by exhilaration offset by anxiety as the "new" form becomes integrated.

Peace

M: Yes. The notification was appropriate!

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M:

At 02:27 PM 10/14/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: At 08:04 AM 10/14/00 -0700, you wrote: >Just a quick note to inform that I'll be away "on travel" from >early tomorrow, 15 Oct, through 19 Oct. Next login: 20 Oct. > >Michael > > > Thanks.

Just for humor's sake (?) I know had you not told me this, I would have sent stuff, got no response, would have immediately said, 'Goddamit...he doesn't love me any more', or something akin. I feel confident in saying you knew that.

A
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M: Greetings!

At 08:32 AM 10/19/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

This is going to cover several days.

For a very long time airplanes, and especially horrific crashes, have been a recurring theme. I had one therapist tell me they symbolized my manhood, and for a while I thought perhaps he was right, since at that same time I had a significant dream of what I called for years later my alter-ego who was female (another matter).

M: The symbol of manhood is unlikely to be correct. The concept of a craft that has sufficient energy/power to fly, and crashes, is probably more accurate and yes, it could represent the path you were on at that time, but it's not related to gender per se. Since the concept of manhood represents partially an illusion compared to all energy forms in the universe, and since males tend to protect the male identify in the absence of broader understanding, it could have by analogy hit you harder than it might. Consider simply the representation of having ability to fly and travel and by self-false navigational errors, crashed instead. In that model, gender identity has nothing to do with the process, only the failure to utilize energy efficiently and navigate efficiently.

A: The dream last night: I was in some sort of a large house built down off a road that had a roof that slid open. There were a lot of people around. We were waiting for some fighter jets to land there...they were going to land in the living room, and all I could think was they can't do that, they need a runway, they can't stop that way so to prepare an exit because even if it did not crash, it was going to be hot, exhaust, etc, things whirring.

M: The open roof could represent vulnerability, and the remainder the lack of understanding that the perceived threat could be anything but not a threat, so what was expressed was fear of the incomprehensible unknown.

A: I opened several windows in preparation, but found the were blocked by the building next door.

M: There is a tendency to be trapped despite preparations.

A: Almost in a panic I went outside to get some distance from where they were going to land, but stayed close enough to watch. They were approaching - we could hear radio traffic indicating their position but we couldn't see them. (There were going to be several, not just a single fighter, but apparently all sorts of planes.) One finally appeared, like an F15, flying very fast, came over us and did a 90 degree bank and some other hot maneuvers, but he didn't land.

M: This was the point of the test. The assumptions based upon fear. The fear piled upon the concept of having experiences beyond your control.

A: (Nearly always at this point in one of these dreams is when I would begin to dread watching, because I knew, the more radical the pilot got, the closer he was to losing it, and that he was going to crash it, and 99% of the time he did, and it was ghastly - sometimes it was a helicopter, and the rotors disintegrated and flew at me and I couldn't find cover...horrible things.)

M: Perhaps if you simply extend your right arm toward the craft, you might be amazed to find what happens. Stand upright, firm without fear, extend your arm vertically toward the craft with fingers pointed out to the craft, and will energy into your fingertips.

A: Other planes passed, then a goofy looking thing, sort of like a flying potholder, flexible and sort of plastic, flying rather like a stingray 'flies' with that same fluidity. It too was not going to land, but its maneuvers were actually quite silly and because of its flexibility and maneuverability I knew it would not crash...instead, it sort of poked its nose around at various points on the ground, then I lost track of it since it was flying around at ground level, obscured by buildings. It was followed by another, looking like the first only outlandishly painted, like a clown costume, orange and blue stripes and polka dots. (I swear, all I had for dinner was lentil soup...). This one seemed in search of the first, and sort of snurffled around the area where the first had been, but like its predecessor, was not going to crash.

M: Viewing "unexpected" things does also expand the impact, though there probably is significance to those colors when the way they are presented is altered.

A: Based on current stuff, the dream seems pretty obvious.

M: In the second (and third) attentions, there can be many tests displayed to test the most base of human emotions: fear; the threat of the unknown; the fear that consumes logic even power.

A: Another topic. 'C' has had a book on Yoga by Richard Hittleman for years. It has 'magically' resurfaced. A major part of the regimen is diet. Given the bad mouth are naturally, caffeine and alcohol, not to mention sugar, salt, meat, and fat. I cannot deny the truth of 'the way'. The benefits of the discipline are obvious. The older and stiffer I get, the more it becomes necessary to do something. With this current 'opening', all these things once again seem to get restated. I want to say, 'I know, I know...shut up.' I have been on the bipolar pendulum for years, and this current orbit is nothing new. In the past, being obsessive, I'd reach this point, go totally vegetarian, start exercising, stop this, start that, quit drinking - and in two weeks blow the whole thing to hell because I couldn't stand it.

M: There is no point to being obsessive, and there is no point to a hugely altered diet. The intent to use judgment and prudence is usually sufficient. Humans usually exhibit the tendency not to deal with change very well. The faster the change, the more the shock, and shock are usually followed by long periods of adaptation where oscillations circulate. It is far more stable to implement change as a process that offers slow adaptation that matches the abilities of the human to integrate the change. Although this requires time-in-process, it portends not to waste energy through the shock-based oscillations.

A: I know drinking 8-10 beers a day is not impeccable. I know4-5 cups a coffee every morning is not impeccable. I know zoning in front of the TV is not impeccable. I know if I cold turkey everything I will destroy, shortly, any moves I have made 'on the way'. My thought is to try a gradual approach this time.

M: Yes. Prudent. One idea at a time. Suggest just one thing for now, the coffee intake, and just reduce to 2 cups a morning, not more and not less. When that settles, then simply reduce the beer, one unit a week, until it settles at no more than two/evening. Perhaps a process of reducing one cup per week could produce stability in the regimen.

A: When I quit smoking about 12 years ago, that was cold turkey, after several unsuccessful attempts, but the addiction then was not as strong as the current ones. What I am considering is using the same tool as with the smoking - self-hypnosis, even though I just read in the Yoga book that it is not recommended. The relaxation techniques are identical, however. I would like your opinion.

M: The chemical dependencies tend to move in lockstep with life cycles. Without changing both in tandem, it is improbable that the process will succeed. It is suggested that you be gentle with yourself, and with reducing the coffee and reducing the beer, slowly, one unit a week, add meditation into the mix.

A: This is Tuesday.

Last night (actually early this AM) experienced a situation I cannot call a dream. Was again in and out of the dreaming state, did not really register a dream, but was aware I was in a 'no bullshit' state. It began with a dream, something about Bach and son V, and lying, something about pretending to know the music but not. Was cautioned severely to tell the truth.

M: You are at a point of privilege to be tested in this manner. It is a signal of your intent to explore and your commit to continue. Allies already know the truth. The point of the interrogatories is to determine if you can expose the truth.

A: The next few segments are blurred now, but my intent throughout was to be absolutely as honest as I could be. This was a serious encounter. I was asked about the impeccability of just the things aforementioned; 1) unconscious TV watching; 2) drinking; 3) coffee. (It would appear I am not going to get any leisure time to think about things, i.e. to continue indulging.)

M: Understood.

A: Truthful answers were made, that is, none of the above are impeccable. The question then was raised, why then do you persist? I had no answer. Result: abstained from coffee this morning, put TV in storage. Am still indulging in beer. I would like a little slack on this one. I do not wish to obsess and eventually revert. I feel like I am holding 'them' off at arms length for just a while yet.

M: No one, no ally, no process is trying to control your actions. The candidates' own impeccability and agenda must prevail. Please learn to be gentle with yourself.

A: Of importance - a prior response of yours re realizing that parents et al were 'doing their best' has indeed helped me to forgive them and to put the incidences, my reactions, etc, into perspective. Thanks.

M: You are welcome.

A: This is Wednesday. 'C' has departed for the Rio Grande Valley for butterflying, etc. She has sent you an email.

M: Yes. Response has been issued today. (Returned from Texas late yesterday.)

A: Meantime, this AM, another dream, again rather obvious in its message. I was in custody deep in central Mexico. I was not in a cell, but in a compound, but no real fences, just fence posts, so one could easily just leave.

M: Confined again.

A: I was approached by some guy who said he could get me out and across the border for $13M. I thought about it, then rechecked with the 'authorities' holding me - they said I could not be released. It occurred to me then that all of this was a scam, that all I really had to do was leave (step through between the fence posts), find transport (a bus) to the border, and I could walk across, being a Gringo, without needing papers. I was rather exhilerated at the prospect, and feeling I could indeed pull it off.

M: Yes. In the second/third attentions, there are no traps: only provocations to trap self.

A: Then a dream of my grandfather, about whom I have thought nothing until keying an explosive email to my brother about family BS - he handed me a bowl he had used for ice cream, and the spoon. The bowl had like cottage cheese curds left in it, and caramel sauce remnants which I rinsed out, but I took the spoon intending to use it as is, even though he had used it. Seems we sort of made peace.

M: Peace can result for a candidate simply by acceptance of the other and not engaging in power struggles.

A: Thursday

A couple of dreams, disturbing since I cannot seem to penetrate their meaning. I could dismiss them as ordinary dreams, except there is something nagging about both.

First was a scene like in a bar, and some smarmy guy indicated he 'had the goods on me', some documents or tapes or something of sexual deviancy or homosexuality.

M: It is useful to maintain in mind that ultimately the flow of consciousness in the state of ultimate evolution, has no gender. The gender provocations are intended to resolve your early-life trauma.

A: I finally figured out what he wanted (blackmail), told him it would not work, go ahead and make whatever he had public. It was a sobering thought to realize my cover was about to be blown. I knew whatever he had was a misrepresentation - I even told him sexual experimentation did not make one a homosexual. He laughed, and I could see it didn't matter - the accusation would change my image for others. (Hm. As I write that, it becomes obvious, once again.)

M: Yes.

A: Second was a dream of hunting mountain lions with bows and arrows, the new slick double-compound bows, not recurves or longbows. I shot one from about 50 yards, found the body, then we moved on. I shot at another, farther away, very powerful bow, flat arrow trajectory. I couldn't tell if I had hit it so we walked toward it. We were on a mesa in the foothills.

M: The emphasis is on the futility of executing another life for no reason. The hunter has a dependent need to use violence when only negotiation is required. The lion was not a threat, and in the second attention it could only be a representation of another form of power that could facilitate the candidate. It is suggested that rather than utilize the weapons to support self-esteem absent the vital need for food (which was not the situation in your dream), open a discussion with the lions. You will meet them again.

A: I came across a pile of carcasses, but they were either foxes or coyotes and were quite decomposed.

M: An exhibition of needless waste of life's energy was presented. The energy of the lives that were terminated just went into decomposition, accomplishing nothing for having lived, and terminated at another's hand, for no purpose other than to support an illusion of control by the hunter.

A: I did not find the lion I had shot at. We moved off down the hill, through some snow and towards a river.

M: The river probably represented the flow of evolution, the snow the impediment to connect with the "river".

A: The guy in the lead I knew only casually and wondered then why we were all following him since it was in the opposite direction from the way we had come.

M: Thus indicating the useless folly of following.

A: He proceeded to wade through a river which I knew had to be icy cold. He must have had on waders or something - the water came up to his armpits and the crossing was quite wide. I was unwilling to follow him and only one other of the group ventured into the water.

M: There were other paths for you to follow. The river was probably a trap that was placed to demonstrate the folly of following. If you entered the river you could have submitted to it's flow when you lost your footing. At that point, though, simple will would have moved through intent to alter the river's course and remove you from being a follower.

A: We found ourselves then sort of in a restaurant overlooking the river - the sun was going down and we were discussing how to get back - some woman said we were supposed to have crossed a bridge somewhere - the intended track was circular.

M: Circular relative to being a follower, squandering the energy of others represented by the lion's life, returning to a point representing stasis.

A: This one does not want to yield its meaning to me.

I seem to still require all the jolts from you I can elicit. Thanks again.

M: You are welcome. I am not capable of jolting you.

Peace

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M: Hello.

At 08:24 AM 10/22/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

Thanks for the response. I know you had a lot of backlog to deal with.

M: Yes. My process is to prioritize my responses. When I'm away for three or four days, there are perhaps waiting about 40 to 50 e/mails from all sources, and about 10 of these are easily "junk". The remainder require response, and the "most-recently-active" are prioritized first and there are still perhaps twenty more in the backlog.

A: I need to clarify 'jolt' - what I meant by that was the impact of your perception is almost always a jolt, in that it is new information, it is pertinent, and usually unexpected. Like, why didnt I think of that? And I realized, after you said I would see the lions again, I have had some very vivid dreams of huge wolves, one which actually smiled at me, one I talked to - cool dreams (So Cal, again...).

M: Understood, fully. My "tacit" response re "jolt" was to provoke precisely the thought that you noted above: the jolt is formed within your own recognitions that were only prompted by stimuli from myself.

A: A point of curiousity - whereabouts in Texas were you? Curious, because that is where I am, near Corpus Christi.

M: Austin. When I travel for clients to Texas, it's usually to Austin or the North Dallas (Richardson area) regions. My professional schedules take me very intermittently to any specific place, be that Texas, Asia, or Europe

A: I definitely had an encounter last night/early this morning. 'C' called from the Valley, anxious to hear what you had written her (by her own admission now has a rather substantial amount to think about - I requested she pay attention to driving - don't hurt my truck...).

M: <smile>

A: Her call sort of saved me, at least gave an excuse to get up (she called at 4:45) and terminate the 'session'. Once again, in and out of dream state, was aware of others sort of expecting work on catching the transition so that the dream became sentient. At one point, I 'said' I was tired, I didn't want to continue the work, just wanted to sleep a little, at which point the wind came up and banged a window blind and woke me up.

M: <smile> Your attention was achieved!

A: So, I said, OK, I'll continue, had a dream then where I was in a room with a tall dark guy, can't recall all of it - something happened, and it felt like 'stuff' being expelled from my gut, so I covered the area with my hands and had this huge sensation like a giant chill that caused me to suck in my breath and woke up. At that, I said, alright, now that is enough, cool it. Was not to be. The wind came up again, rattled the blinds some more, I ignored it, and this time a big puff hit and shook the whole camper. 'C' called right after.

M: In my own experiences from the long past, these events were thought of as the proverbial 4x4 across my head - just to get my attention....

A: Actually, this is getting to be a hoot, as noted a whole lot earlier. Of note, when virtually (hah!) all events/encounters are taken as opportunities to learn something, they take on a whole different aspect. They sure as hell are approached differently.

M: Yes, they are. The "various vectors" of approaches are, to say the least, (ahem, cough) "colorful"!

A: I appreciate your suggestions re backing off the addictions. I have seldom been gentle - figured it wasn't in my nature, instead of it being a defense.

M: Pleased that the message got through.

A: I suspect I know what will happen in the airplane/crash dreams if I extend my arm out to them...there is something similar there to the wolf dreams, because in those I extended my hand out to the wolf, and in one case, he took my hand in his mouth. In the other, I scratched his head. The airplanes are a different thing, though.

M: Only in terms of imagery are they "that" different. The magnitude of the import is about the same.

Peace

Michael

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M: Greetings.

At 08:11 AM 10/23/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

In your response to 'C''s dream that took place at my son's house, your perception of him was, once again, startling. I have just completed going back through the dialogues for your comments re DNA. (You refer to it frequently as 'mitochondrial' - definition in layman's terms?)

Literal definition: "A spherical or elongated organelle in the cytoplasm of nearly all eukaryotic cells, containing genetic material and many enzymes important for cell metabolism, including those responsible for the conversion of food to usable energy. Also called chondriosome. Eukaryotic - A single-celled or multicellular organism whose cells contain a distinct membrane-bound nucleus.

There is a school of thought that these legacies stem predominantly from the female parent. The component of the description above related to the conversion of energy, holds importance within the context of use."

You also felt the tendencies were passed on through one's mother, as was your case, I believe. Before I read that, my mother came immediately to mind. I cannot pinpoint any attributes in her, except for a lifelong affinity for and use of a Oija board, which at the time I thought was sort of a 1940's parlor game. She talked me into using it with her a couple of times even - I don't recall the results. After her death, I found several books on astrology as well. If the theory holds, her attributes were inherited from her mother, and so on. (Her mother is the grandmother of mine that wreaked so much havoc in my life - one powerful woman...perhaps I just answered myself whether she was the 'carrier'.)

M: Indeed you did supply the answer.

A: If the tendencies are passed on through the females, I wonder then about my son. I have no doubt he is predisposed. He knows all about astral projecting - claimed it was really frightening and refused to ever try it again. It is quite easy to apply the 'empath' label onto him. I gave him X's site address when we were in Boulder, and because of your perceptions, I decided to be open with him about what is going on with me. I didn't want to push him - just lay it out and see if he was interested.

M: Hopefully he will connect. If you "have it" then there's at least a 50/50 chance that your children will have it. It's only a question of intensity and the intensity of how that passes through the generations.

A: I begin now to wonder about my other three children. All four have 'suffered' with what was labelled bipolar problems...both daughters joined AA long ago but the eldest still struggles. V, eldest son, I have mentioned earlier and he too seems predisposed, but the history between the two of us prevents much contact. (He answered my first email, and has not responded since, that after your suggestions on how to deal with him.)

M: It could be difficult for him to seize the opportunity or really know what to do with it all, given that the paradigm is being altered.

A: In re 'C', the DNA explanation also holds true. In a way, it also explains her 'wierd' sister. 'C' had two brothers (one killed in a motorcycle accident, probably the only person in my life I thought of as an honest to god genius, a complete societal misfit who could go off scale on IQ tests, or be regarded as an idiot, at his whim), the other an oncology specialist MD in Dallas, and the sister who also nearly went off scale on IQ tests but now is sort of a babbling idiot/savant with an extremely accurate memory. She has never been able to hold a job, even menial labor.

M: Not surprising.

A: Roy, the brother killed, got into electronics and physics, and was convinced matter transfer was a possiblity. It would have been fascinating for you and him to connect. I still suspect his 'death' was staged, and that the government got him. No one ever saw his body or photos of the accident. No one was asked to id him.

M: For once, because of some history, there's not much to add.

A: This last 'request for an opinion' (last in terms of this email, probably only the tip of the iceberg) is rather dumb but...I had a gnarly (dude) dream about my ex-wife/mother I wont go into - its purpose appears to indicate a ripe area for recapitulation. I wrote it out, then wanted to avoid work there and turned on the computer. The 'mood' of the dream was still with me. When I turned on the computer, Windows claimed it could not detect any mouse. Hm. alt F4, remove parts, check out the touchpad...looked ok...put it back together and it worked. I 'felt' I caused that (the dumb part of this). I have felt I have messed up other things electrical in the past as well, as in blowing out lightbulbs. This is really stupid. This also includes screwing up mainframes, obviously to the consternation of all involved.

M: No, it is not. Personal experience confirms the possibility. Computers are more difficult to infiltrate now, because they are better designed. There's a story in X's site about disturbing a hand-held calculator.

A: I 'red lighted' a mod 30 one time so severely the CE thought someone had opened the panel and crossed wires. (Had forgotten that one - there are several more, re computers, now that I've mentioned that one.)

There are aspects of this that are not a hoot.

M: Open time. There was a period where computer failures were noted, primarily in the early through mid 1970's. After a time it was noted that feelings of flows within myself tended to exacerbate or ameliorate the failures. Quietly, it was decided to test the seemingly-absurd process. On will, on intent, on projection of intensity, the failure(s) would occur. It's real. In the exchanges, there is a theme that states "for every ability, there is a commensurate responsibility", and this is yet another example, and there are "tales" beyond these.

Peace

----------

M: Hello.

At 10:52 AM 10/24/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael - Prior email, this exchange:

"Roy, the brother killed, got into electronics and physics, and was convinced matter transfer was a possiblity. It would have been fascinating for you and him to connect. I still suspect his 'death' was staged, and that the government got him. No one ever saw his body or photos of the accident. No one was asked to id him."

M: For once, because of some history, there's not much to add.

A: This is a truly cryptic remark. Any chance you could clarify it?

M: Hopefully this might help, though it remains less cryptic. I entered the techy field (actually the one I'm still in) in 1960, forty years ago. The group that brought me in was a shell company for a very significant operation that very few individuals really understand in terms of involvement or breadth. It is a huge network that circulates many, many, areas of involvement. It has no initials, though there are a few sub-sets that are known (at least by initials) to the public <SNIP>

A: In regard P, check out his response:

"Hunh. timing is everything eh? I've been doing my own evaluation of my alcohol abuse. and my own dreams and lack of sleep and L's evaluation of things, and have come to a conclusion not so far off. seeing as i've found that if i have something to do other than immerse myself in booze, i feel better, i will make a concerted effort to check the stuff out this week."

He and I have had two more exchanges - rather thrilling.

M: As these exchanges continue, there will be "wows!" for you. This has just begun. You already know that it won't be always easy. It will be progressive.

A: Last item. You wrote re disturbing computers -

M: There was a period where computer failures were noted, primarily in the early through mid 1970's. After a time it was noted that feelings of flows within myself tended to exacerbate or ameliorate the failures. Quietly, it was decided to test the seemingly-absurd process. On will, on intent, on projection of intensity, the failure(s) would occur. It's real. In the exchanges, there is a theme that states "for every ability, there is a commensurate responsibility", and this is yet another example, and there are "tales" beyond these.

A: Exactly the time period of my experiences with the mainframes. I suspect minimally the responsibility is to learn to control it. I'm not quite sure of its purpose, however. I usually regarded it as what dJ called a drainage since most often I was in a disturbed mood.

'C' (nicknamed TTF for The Travellin' Fool) leaves for two weeks in Morocco tomorrow. I'm having all eight dialogues printed for her for 'light' reading pleasure, at her request. You have got her attention. Once again I have the luxury of pure solo time for further recapitulations.

M: Peace. Please protect what has been "suggested" above re myself. If you have a high need, provide your telephone number and at the correct (appropriate by perception) you may receive a telephone call from myself.

A: Thanks

M: You are very welcome. There is a very thick cushion that will protect you above the first floor. The rest is only anxiety.

Peace

Michael

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At 07:40 PM 10/24/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

Thanks for the lifeline. So far, so good, as the guy said falling through 40 stories...

With the rather obvious exception of 'C', what you requested to remain confidential, shall remain so.

M: As you might be able to discern from our most recent exchanges, it is understood that both of you have been carefully been moving toward more openness in your exchanges. While that may seem superficially that you are being more open with myself, it is in actuality that you are both being more open with yourself. My last closing to 'C', that is the alteration of the closing, represents an unconditionality that you may not quite understand. Humanity is simply not accustomed to these forms of extensions, and almost always the immediate reflex reaction is one of incredulity, followed almost immediately by the search for motive and suspicion. If it, on your choice, would assist in your comfort level or perhaps your curiosities, or even your facilitations, I'd be willing to e/mail a photograph so that you could have an image.

Peace, Michael

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At 03:34 PM 10/25/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

Are you hanging out in our camper?

M: Perceptions are normally so profound that it wouldn't particularly matter.

A: 'C' and I spent probably 30 minutes talking about 'love'. To begin with (since it led to a lot of jokes), we both understand exactly what you meant - agape. I told her you defined it in the dialogues. She has hard copy to read on the way to Morocco.

M: A very accurate choice of words: agape. It would have met with a very different reaction if the statement had been made to you only three weeks ago. This emphasizes what is indeed occurring in your own processes.

A: She gave me shit because you don't sign off to me that way...I gave her shit because you started the response to her 'Dear 'C''.

M: Gee, (facetiously and jokingly said), "how useful!". <big smile>

A: I told her I suspected getting her involved in things was going to lead to some hilarious busts, and it has proved out. Perhaps the humor is childish, but you have to admit the territory is ripe for one liners, ridicule, etc., small example being Groucho's line that he wouldn't join any club that would accept him as a member.

M: Yes. The intensity of exchanges (combined with the trust and intimacy) is such that it's easy not to have fun with it, though for myself that tends to be avoided so that something would not be taken incorrectly. One of the "problems" with text-dialogue is really that voice inflections and facial expressions that are so important to human contact is missing, so we can only substitute with little faces <-:) or <grins> et al, just to be certain of the intent of the piece.

A: Would enjoy a pic. I acquired a digital camera a while ago and can respond in kind if you want.

M: Yes, please. I'm willing to telephone call you also, if you're ready. It's not particularly important because for my age my voice is young (crackly tenor like an aluminum canoe being dragged over gravel), and the only real reason this is offered is to be certain that you don't have gaps. For myself, it is not necessary.

Attached is a photo of RM and self. We use "this" photo to show others that we can "clean up".

Michael

A: Michael - After significant time to locate most complimentary shots, you have attached. (361)729-7509 = the camper. I'm goofing off. 'C' has sent you the 'important' email.

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At 07:55 AM 10/27/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

Just obtained my mail and 'C''s. She has the response from you which I am eager to read. I talked to her from JFK last evening. She had read up through Dialogue V and was as impressed as I thought she would be.

M: <smile> There are many tests and trials along "the way of knowledge", and you are learning. Some individuals often are inclined to ask if it's worth it, however I "know" that you have "been to dark side" and it's quite certain that you "know" that it's worth it. The really neat point about it all, is that it continues forever.

A: Interesting sequence for myself. I sent you an email saying she was off to Morocco and I was goofing off. It would appear there is no longer the option for me to 'goof off'.

M: It really depends on how one defines "goof off". Above some progress into "the way" combined with "the knowledge" and "connections" that this entails, there is a transition where violation of impeccability is simply not tolerated. Period. Any significant violation of impeccability is countered by resets that can be quite disturbing, the allegorical psychological equivalent of the whack to the head. On the other hand, engaging in play within the embrace of impeccability can be exhilarating. Remember the admonition: if you choose to do this, your life will be changed forever and one can never return to what one was. The "connection" to impeccability and the cross-checks provides the metric about how one is progressing through evolution, or regressing as devolution.

A: I feel I have been sort of slapped up side the head, the 4X4 approach you mentioned. Last dream, I was walking with 'C', beer mug in hand, when a couple of guys approached from behind and on my left. There were some chairs directly in my path and to go around them I had to veer left, but these guys were there and moving and not giving any room. I veered anyway, they jostled me, spilled my beer and I fell on my butt. I awoke, got up, wanted a piece of great homemade pizza, took a bite and nearly choked to death. Then my back went out bending over to get my coffee pot. Enough said.

M: The "fix" for this encounter would be to turn around and look at them, not in anger and not in violence, but in a feeling of confidence, stare them down with a message that says "I have the ability to deal with you and you cannot disturb me." They will alter image and then you will learn what the test was about.

A: Of most fine significance was an email from P. He also is reading the dialogues and when finished wants to open a dialogue with me. As I told him, I look forward to it selfishly as a learning opportunity for myself. You warned me it will get hairy. I'm hoping he will connect with you at some point.

M: Yes. It will occur when it is appropriate.

Peace,

Michael

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M: Hello!

At 02:36 PM 10/27/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

I am being flooded with stuff, which is fine by me. Some could do with clarification.

M: Am willing to attempt provision.

A: I'm going to use a technique for 'setting up dreaming' as dJ puts it, to incorporate your suggestions on dealing with what I presume are allies, minimally 'testers'.

M: Allies are quite literally that. Hopefully, it would not be too large a presumption for you to perceive that in myself, you have an ally. Allies have within their operating concept, the outreach to facilitate the impetus and provision of stimuli, that would cause a candidate to seek "knowledge" for and within him/herself.

A: When I was working at (snip) in '70's, a guy name of Joe Karbo used to periodically run a full page ad titled 'The Lazy Man's Way to Riches'. He claimed he would send a book detailing his technique if you would send him a check for $20. His claim was, he would hold the check for 30 days, and if you did not like or want the book, return it and he would return the un-deposited check.

M: Having been in the area for a long time, I remember old Joe rather well.

A: I knew, from working at (snip) that ads like that were vetted by (snip) attorneys, but even so... I sent my check, got the book, dug the lesson, returned the book, got my check back. Cool. (you can take the boy out of So Cal, but not the So Cal out of the boy...)

M: WELL understood! <-:)

A: He was pushing direct mail sales using newspaper ads, but the thing I liked was the stuff re creative imagining. Part of the technique was to create a list of things wanted, and just before sleep, imagine yourself having those things, and imagining the things in as minute detail as possible. I used the technique to obtain one of the finest VW's I ever owned. However, it is quite applicable to setting up correct behavior for dealing with testers/allies. It falls into the realm of 'self programming'.

M: Yes. It is an approach that in essence forms a mantra to assist in navigating intent/will, and always on a "can do" self-affirmation basis.

A: You have 'known' all else, not surprised you 'knew' about the dark side. There was a definite conscious period of quite hot 'revenge' in Hermosa, during which I would 'stomp' on victims, always in the bars, usually around the pool table. I took my lumps as well, but mostly the 'victims' did not know what hit them. I knew what I was doing and I did it anyway. Definite lashing out for the bastards 'making my life so painful'. I knew the irrationality of it, the wrongness, whatever, and knew the 'victims' were symbolic, and that the rage was my problem, and that 'they' did not do anything to me...I did to me.

M: This is a reasonably typical example of energy squandered for no real purpose, and it represents a cyclical oscillation: tyrants become victims, victims become tyrants; ad infinitum. Everything in nature stays in balance between tyrants and victims as they destroy each other.

A: I suspect I may have made the transition to the point where lack of impeccability is 'simply not tolerated'. There was a lot more to last night than just the last dream reported, and it was all uncomfortable, stifling, even. I got pounded.

M: There is something very, very, important to maintain in the presence of "the now", and it is far more than a concept. When a person approaches a threshold of crossing/transition, there is always a period of turbulence. It is almost adolescent in nature, by analogy, one foot in childhood, one foot in adulthood, and rocking between the feet. Humans don't deal with change very well initially. After a time of practice though, change becomes "the norm". In any case, suppose a candidate has many really identifiably attributes that when combined, brought him/her to the status of a "known" candidate. Suppose also, that there is also an intense set of assumptions and blocks, however incorporated and however placed, (doesn't matter) that are impedances to continued evolution. The "tests" will immediately take form to push and push until the candidate "gets the point" and then takes action to resolve the issue(s). Then, assuming that there is resolution, there will be at least three test sequences usually taken from different views/vectors so that the candidate can be taken off guard. When these tests, usually hammering on the same issues, are easily passed as easily as taking a breath, then the candidate moves on into a higher energy plane of being, until the next boundary becomes evident. When no boundaries are evident, then the facilitation will occur to conjoin the attributes of the candidate into a intense and able assemblage point, where every attribute can become executed instantaneously.

A: You have made the following statement several times:

"Remember the admonition: if you choose to do this, your life will be changed forever and one can never return to what one was."

There have been perhaps five times when I have attempted to make the choice, the first being in 1961 in Korea, in the USAF Security Service, the last being a fitful gasp in Hermosa in the 80's. I had given up, tried to achieve some calm, and just carry on, until DC, at my brothers, when Castaneda reappeared, etc. This time, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind where I am going and what I am doing and why, and what I want to achieve. What I was is not a thing I want to return to. As I wrote in my journal, you are the absolute first extant teacher I have had. All before came from books, ala dJ.

M: Understood. Sometime in verbal conversation more will be related for you.

A: I once described my children at the dinner table as eating with gusto and reckless abandon. They learned that from me. That is about how I approach this effort or whatever the hell you can call it. I realize it is life changing - why else would I want to do it?

M: Indeed.

A: I have stuff copied into the front of my journal, the journal begun in Hermosa, and now the pages reinforced and the paper yellowing, but the words, the essences remain true. One of my favorite quotes of dJ is:

"A warrior starts off with the certainty that his spirit is off balance, then by living in full control and awareness, but without hurry or compulsion, he does his ultimate best to gain this balance."

I'm working on the hurry and compulsion part.

M: Peace, and love, and embrace. Be aware that "hurry" can squander energy. The forces of the coefficient of drag are exponential. The forces of rolling resistance are linear in proportion. Efficiency is found with just the correct amount of velocity that does not exceed in terms of the coefficient of drag, the resistant forces of motion.

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M: Hello.

At 01:05 PM 10/28/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

Computer is potentially shopward...mouse problem continued, revealing I had nothing to do with it. Am in midst of maintenance including overdue backup. This might be last email for a while depending.

That said...one of those unfathomable dreams last night, nagging at me. There was no action per se...I was looking at a fine piece of cloth used as a document. It had a stylized figure of a female on it, Indian (Asian) style female figure. It was in gold, rather like some of the calligraphy on newest Yoga book by Iyengar. Next to the figure was very small text, and it was in silver and gold. The text was so small I could not read it. This 'dream' continued through4 or 5 iterations, rolling over, waking up, etc. There was some sort of insistence in the whole thing, yet I'll be damned if I can see any sense or meaning to it whatever.

M: Not too out of reach. The female, in gold, is preparing to communicate a process of instruction. To gain the instruction, you will have to carefully study the detail of the communication and not superficially react to it. Congratulations are in order: you are being alerted to the next stage of approach for you.

A: I fully appreciated your response of yesterday.

M: You're welcome. There might be a time window about late morning tomorrow (Pacific time) to call you.

Michael

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M:

At 04:19 PM 10/28/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: Michael -

Re calling, I'll be here.

Dialogue with P has gone up about 10 notches, and no, that is not Spanish. :) He suspects, and I concur, that you have approached him on a different level. His abilities are rather astounding...he has been trying to ignore them and bury them, but I think now the cat is out of the bag.

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M: Hello!

At 07:43 PM 10/28/2000 -0500, you wrote:

A: After a long long conversation with P, I begin to feel like my purpose is similar to Chas....i.e., an enabler. (I know better). He is exploding, blowing my ass into the weeds, as they say. I told him I would convey to you a dream he had which he said was definite 2nd attn level. He knows the difference. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, I suspect.

Dream took place in Pasadena, at a house my ex had, P and others sitting around sort of a campfire, all had .22 rifles, one guy opposite P, drunk, waving the gun around and in P's direction. From behind him he heard something jostle his trailer parked in the driveway. Without seeing it, he thought it was a bear. He got up, moved up the driveway, the bear followed, and several of the guys shot it. They did not kill it, and P had a chance to deal with it, at least look at it and sort of make contact.

So. Do you go by the name of Urso from time to time?

M: <smile> No.

I'll make it easy.

Click on:

http://www.networksolutions.com/cgi-bin/whois/whois

Michael

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At 03:12 PM 10/29/2000 -0600, you wrote:

A: At 11:49 AM 10/29/00 -0800, you wrote: >I'll make it easy. >

Please do. Hire the handicapped. It's fun to watch them work.

>Click on: > >http://www.networksolutions.com/cgi-bin/whois/whois

Holy shit...this one works...now I know you are, uh, real, whatever that is, even though you DO live in So Cal and go to Palm Springs, where V used to be local TV cameraman, btw.

> >Network Solutions used to BE "the NIC". Pressures from Congress and Foreign >Agencies caused "the NIC" to be opened up to more registrars. > >There is another way: > >Click on: > >http://www.internic.net/whois.html

I hate to be a pain in the ass (no I don't) but going here and entering exotic.com for a domain search yields same stuff...

We discussed puns - perhaps you have heard this one - I'll pass it on anyway:

Ghandi was known to prefer being barefoot to the extent of creating callouses, and being vegetarian to a fault to where he had bad breath. When he got older, he became more frail, also. He became known as a 'super fragile calloused mystic plagued with halitosis'.

Take that.

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M: Hiya!

At 06:42 AM 10/30/2000 -0600, you wrote:

A: Michael -

'Hand' exercise did not yield anything, I think. I did it twice - first time, P called, mostly to gloat since he won both our football bets -that only brings him even. The second time, everything seemed to disappear, as if it had got dark with my eyes open.

M: Yes. That IS "the beginning". Good.

A: I couldn't hold it, though.

I suspect it would have got interesting had I been able to. What was rather fine was after, just lying there, a very soft, gentle little breeze came through the window and sort of gave me a complete body caress, and that felt almost like a kindness or something.

M: Understood.

A: Lots of dreams, all now fragments. It is annoying to suspect that most of them are opportunities - one of a pair of dogs, both defending and barking as I approached, but I sort of 'covered' them with affection and they melted, with me lying down on the ground and the more aggressive of the two all over me - once again, he had my hand in his mouth.

M: Opportunities, yes.

A: Speaking of P - he reminded me of a time when he was in the USAF stationed in Virginia Beach, when he astral projected to my place in Hermosa. He later called and told me he had done that, and told me how the room was arranged. He is really excited. He said he was going to give me a visit last night. Ought to be interesting.

M: It interesting that in facilitating yourself, you are indeed facilitating both P and 'C'. That example, very easy to grasp, provides a small example of how the geometric progress of "the consortium" grows. Although the base quantity of individuals is relatively small (relative to the masses of all societies) the progression remains effective, efficient and impressive.

A: Hm. Now THAT was interesting (favorite word) - someone started my coffee for me - I have no recollection of getting up and doing that, just sitting here and typing.

Have to share a favorite anecdote (not a pun):

'Tzu Hu once late at night shouted in the lavatory, 'Catch the thief! Catch the thief!' In the dark he ran into a monk; he grabbed him by the chest and held him, saying, 'Caught him! Caught him!' The monk said, 'Master, it's not me.' Hu said, 'It is, but you just won't own up to it.'

M: <smile>

A: Re-reading that causes a bit of what 'C' and I have come to call 'leaking': i.e. bit of a tear to the eye.

No gaps.

M: No gaps and progress at the same time.

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M: Hiya!

At 05:58 AM 10/31/2000 -0600, you wrote:

A: Michael -

You warned me of pitfalls - I don't believe I have cratered, perhaps stumbled is a better word, but it did get my attention. You described the antecedent as becoming somewhat content with progress. I did not think I was making much progress, even though you pointed it out to me. (That's actually part of the problem - if I don't usually belatedly see and accept the progress, I don't believe it, but if another points it out, sort of a self-satisfaction occurs. Add to that appreciation of my humor. This is actually illustrating a very old reflex...)

M: Consider for yourself that the syndrome reported is really formed in lack of self-trust, or perhaps trust in general. That frailty carries tendrils of self-denial, and those in turn.....stress. The stress turns into oscillation. The oscillation results in the physiological equivalent of "metal fatigue" and fractures appear.

A: Not only was yesterday a sort of mood regression to crap of the past, physical sense was of feeling poorly. I realized then how fine I had been feeling physically. In that state, of course, the hand exercise failed.

M: Certainly. It's relatively easy to recognize that there have been decades of the "old way", and that simply requires patience and commit to untangle. Those who choose to continue to be victims, become Eagle food.

If you have not done so, please read Ayn Rand: Atlas Shrugged.

A: The realization of 'stumbling' and its results came about 2AM after a dream sequence I should have written down...doesn't really matter...the message came through. Bottom line, I have to apply the rule of 'is this impeccable' to virtually everything I do or think.

M: Yes. After a time, it will become more reflexive as a process. Please always remember - emphatically - that the first axiom in the construct of impeccability is "energy". If it wastes energy, it cannot be impeccable. Ever.

A: I would like your comments on the word 'gap'. I wrote in my notebook, 'Part of being impeccable for me is closing the gaps (or 'plug up the drainage' as dJ said).' You wrote to me re providing your phone number '... and the only real reason this is offerred is to be certain that you don't have gaps. For myself it is not necessary.' So, as I wrote in my journal 'There are two definitions of 'gap'; 1) an opening in SELF dissipating energy; 2) a break in continuity, as in steps in a set of lessons.'

M: Yes. A break in continuity IS an opening through which energy drains.

A: I want to say 'You're sneaky'. Thanks.

M: in my best coy voice....<gee> he noticed...

Michael
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